After thinking about getting notes - how the recipient can be confused and upset, I had a revelation about what happened years ago when I was a student.
One thing useful I learned about rejection.
Years ago I broke off with a boyfriend.
When I moved out of home my mother did not want me to move in with him.
My mother insisted I break off and see if I met anybody else.
She said if he cared, he'd still be there a year later.
A year later at last I was alone with him in a public room, after others left. We both sat reading.
But when I hoped to get back I sat around in the common room with him silently waiting for him to make the first move, because he was the man.
He didn't.
Eventually he got up and walked out.
I could not understand why.
Now I understand.
He was insecure (divorced parents).
He thought as I had broken off, I should make the first move to getting back together. He did not want to be rejected twice.
The fact that we both sat until we were together meant we wanted to be back together. But both of us were afraid of being rejected and waited until the other made the first move.
When nothing happened, he got up and left first, because I had already rejected him previously.
If he had waited, or looked at me and smiled, I'd have spoken.
I should have spoken sooner.
Toastmasters has a manual on the four levels of conversation. You start with general chit, chat, progressing through shared opinions until you reach more personal stuff. If you skip the first or intermediate steps the other person is overwhelmed.
I think the same applies to physical approaches.
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