Dress codes vary from country to country and religion to religion and from one event to another. Some funerals specify: Wear colours.
I arrived at an orthodox Jewish funeral and was amazed to find people dressed for what looked like a Sunday picnic.
An Israeli told me that in Israel, because of the hot weather, people arrive at funerals in hot weather clothes - even shorts! (I suggest you always check first with the hosts.)
Some funerals have black only for the chief mourners, next of kin, parents, children and siblings. I once turned up all in black to a funeral where everybody was in bright colours and people thought I must be the mother or widow and kept coming up to me and paying respects and giving condolences for my loss.
In April 2005 I wore a reversible rust and pink dress with a co-ordianting patchwork olives and plums. I arrived at a Catholic church to find over two hundred people dressed all in black.
One man had a black outfit with a red scarf. One woman wore a purple coat. Purple is a traditional half mourning colour. Then there was me. Oops.
I looked down at my jacket which had a black lining and thought, I must be able to reverse this. What if it has a label? I'll hang the hood over the label.
I squirmed and wriggled a lot during the service. My family shushed me. I managed to take off the jacket and put it back on inside out. Then I found two black pockets on the front. It was designed reversible!
My dress was also reversible. But I could not change during the service.
Where were the toilets? The church had no toilets. I was directed to the church hall. But it was locked. A nearby pub - would using a pub toilet when I wasn't drinking be a chutzpah? No - the place was full of people dressed all in black, obviously buying drinks before and after the church service. Our crowd had taken over the place.
My spare rainhat, luckily, was reversible with black on one side and a red lining. Despite the red lining, I thought that was good enough.
I then realised I was wearing a black half slip. Putting that on the outside of the dress, mostly covered by the thigh length black jacket, made me three quarters black. It had a lace edge. Never mind. Wearing underwear as overwear is a fashion of this decade. Better black anything, less conspicuous than a colour. Now I was nearly all in black except for the rust colour hemline. (If I'd thought, with a few safety pins, or two, I could have pulled it up. Or even tucked into my waistband to shorten it.)
Several well coiffured blonde ladies looked like models at a cocktail party, with figure hugging back dresses and stiletto heels. The widow was also blonde, dressed all black, so it was hard to find her in a crowd with half a dozen immaculate slim blondes in black.
The dress code has nothing to do with whether the service is a burial or cremation. The Catholic 'family only' cremation preceded the 'memorial service' later that day in the church. Everybody dressed all in black suits then drove for drinks and canapés at a cricket club, indoors and outdoors.
If in doubt ask the hosts. And wear reversible clothes. or carry a spare set of scarves in black and colours.
NB In some Asian cultures, white, like a shroud, is for funerals and a bride wears red. At most UK weddings if the bride wears white nobody else should for fear of distracting attention from and competing with the bride.
Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker. Please share links to your favourite posts.
I arrived at an orthodox Jewish funeral and was amazed to find people dressed for what looked like a Sunday picnic.
An Israeli told me that in Israel, because of the hot weather, people arrive at funerals in hot weather clothes - even shorts! (I suggest you always check first with the hosts.)
Some funerals have black only for the chief mourners, next of kin, parents, children and siblings. I once turned up all in black to a funeral where everybody was in bright colours and people thought I must be the mother or widow and kept coming up to me and paying respects and giving condolences for my loss.
In April 2005 I wore a reversible rust and pink dress with a co-ordianting patchwork olives and plums. I arrived at a Catholic church to find over two hundred people dressed all in black.
One man had a black outfit with a red scarf. One woman wore a purple coat. Purple is a traditional half mourning colour. Then there was me. Oops.
I looked down at my jacket which had a black lining and thought, I must be able to reverse this. What if it has a label? I'll hang the hood over the label.
I squirmed and wriggled a lot during the service. My family shushed me. I managed to take off the jacket and put it back on inside out. Then I found two black pockets on the front. It was designed reversible!
My dress was also reversible. But I could not change during the service.
Where were the toilets? The church had no toilets. I was directed to the church hall. But it was locked. A nearby pub - would using a pub toilet when I wasn't drinking be a chutzpah? No - the place was full of people dressed all in black, obviously buying drinks before and after the church service. Our crowd had taken over the place.
My spare rainhat, luckily, was reversible with black on one side and a red lining. Despite the red lining, I thought that was good enough.
I then realised I was wearing a black half slip. Putting that on the outside of the dress, mostly covered by the thigh length black jacket, made me three quarters black. It had a lace edge. Never mind. Wearing underwear as overwear is a fashion of this decade. Better black anything, less conspicuous than a colour. Now I was nearly all in black except for the rust colour hemline. (If I'd thought, with a few safety pins, or two, I could have pulled it up. Or even tucked into my waistband to shorten it.)
Several well coiffured blonde ladies looked like models at a cocktail party, with figure hugging back dresses and stiletto heels. The widow was also blonde, dressed all black, so it was hard to find her in a crowd with half a dozen immaculate slim blondes in black.
The dress code has nothing to do with whether the service is a burial or cremation. The Catholic 'family only' cremation preceded the 'memorial service' later that day in the church. Everybody dressed all in black suits then drove for drinks and canapés at a cricket club, indoors and outdoors.
If in doubt ask the hosts. And wear reversible clothes. or carry a spare set of scarves in black and colours.
NB In some Asian cultures, white, like a shroud, is for funerals and a bride wears red. At most UK weddings if the bride wears white nobody else should for fear of distracting attention from and competing with the bride.
Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker. Please share links to your favourite posts.
No comments:
Post a Comment