Crying children on transport? Suggested solutions.

Should you shout at children, 'Shut up!' Or whisper? What do you think works best?

Sound In Public Places
Thank you to a lady on Facebook for teaching me the word hyperacusis. It means sensitivity to sound.

Strangely, I am less affected than others by squeaking chalk on a board. But a child screaming at the other end of a supermarket makes me highly stressed, when others don't even notice.

I have to cover my ears when people applaud in concerts or after speeches at Toastmasters. We used to meet at a pub (now being demolished) which had a noise meter on the wall. I used to watch it reach red.

Noise on Planes
I sit at the back on planes, away from babies which are placed on bassinets at the front. I once watched an airline stewardess kneel down beside a fractious toddler to talk to it. She distracted it, after parents had failed.

Coffee Bar Cacophony
I often sit in a coffee bar such as Costa, or even stand washing my hands whilst a mother is nearby washing her hands whilst a child wails ever more loudly from a stroller nearby.

Children Want Attention, Conversation
Children want attention. If they are ignored or alone, they think they've been abandoned and grow anxious. 
You can offer different sorts of attention: talk and listen: conversation, talking to them, listening to them. Eye contact, making funny faces. More musical sounds: singing lullabies, whispering, humming, whistling, shaking rattles. Touch: hugging, stroking, shaking hands, waving, thumbs up, clapping. If you give up, you could give them a dummy to suck. 

Parents and Grandparents Ignored
The same symptom of querulousness at being abandoned is shown by parents and grandparents and friends and spouses who demand, 'Why didn't you phone me!' Two different anxieties could affect them.  Sometimes they feel anxious and unloved. Sometimes, they are afraid that some mishap has taken away their friend and protector.

Suggested Solutions
What are the solutions? I've heard it suggested that parents should have children facing the parent in a pram to allow the baby to see mother at all times. But at some point the child should learn to be interested in and aware of surroundings (as well as friends and dangers nearby). 

Interaction
Parents should allow interaction and encourage it. For example, tell the toddler to ask Mummy if it's OK to touch something - not grasp fruit with dirty little fingers, nor swipe tins off the supermarket shelf.

Distraction
You can carry rattles to distract crying babies.  Finger puppets can be used to entertain and distract whining toddlers. 

Lots of parents ignore toddlers in prams who scream at increasing levels to get attention. I've watched mothers talking to other mothers across a coffee table in Costa, while ignored babies grew increasingly fractious.

Dinner Dates and Waiters
The same rules apply to children and adults. If my partner or date in a restaurant talks for too long to the waiter without any eye contact with me, I feel ignored. It is easy to talk to one person, whilst giving the occasional glance at a third party so they feel included.

I once sat patiently several hours in a restaurant with somebody who conducted an afternoon's business on the phone. He asked me, 'May I take this call?' He was paying for my lunch. I wanted company. I agreed. He would make constant contact with me, his face showing boredom, looking at his watch, holding up his finger, in the air, or to his lips, to show he needed to listen, tapping his watch and shaking his head before telling the person on the phone, 'I'm with somebody so I have to go'.

Talking To Toddlers In Restaurants
In a restaurant  when sitting near a child you can make faces at the child even though you are talking to another adult. Talk to toddlers or even sing quietly and they will listen.

Angela Lansbury B A Hons, travel writer, author.