Chatting: Signalling Come and Go and Personal Space

I wrote about the I talk to Strangers badge on Facebook. A friend of mine on Facebook (a real friend who found me on Facebook but knew me years ago from a post graduate literature club) told me on holiday she used body language if she needs to discourage chats from a fellow diner at a hotel who apparently thought she ought to eat the dish he had ordered and in the way he suggested.

Mostly I'd be delighted to chat about food to a stranger, and adopt their suggestions on the principle of try anything once.

She was making another point. That you can use body language to encourage or discourage conversation.

Touching
Closeness is another factor. I recently sat next two three Singaporean friends (two long-standing friends and another I met on an aircraft and chatted to for several hours). In all three cases these ladies were tactile. The first two prodded me with their fingertips to hold my attention when making a point.

Arm Rest
The third was taking over my arm rest. I kept trying to move away each time our arms accidentally touched. I considered putting up a cushion as a barrier.

But we were friends. We were deep in conversation. Since I wanted to be psychologically close to her, I decided physical closeness was the way to go. If you can't beat them, join them. So I snuggled up withy arm comfortably against hers.

Photo Barriers and Linking Arms
On another occasion I was standing in the back row of a group being photographed. The jolly and friendly club committee member standing in front was blocking the view of me by standing arms akimbo. I could not push him out of the way. I instinctively took hold of his elbow. Since did not take the hint to move, I linked arms with him and hugged his arm tightly. Much better visually and psychologically. I was now friends with him in the picture and in life.

As a photographer, if one person is blocking another, you could ask them to link arms.

Angela Lansbury