Do you travel to escape or return? How to enjoy the old and new on holiday

"It is better to travel than to arrive." 

Robert Louis Stevenson.

Problem
Old Versus New
I once asked a friend, "Why do you travel to see new countries, places and people?"

She replied, "To find out what different countries, places and people have in common."

I was surprised. I had always thought the purpose of travel was to find new places, new kinds of people, new foods, new ways of dealing with old problems.

For example, here's a way of ordering a hamburger in the USA.

Escapism?
Whether you go to the same country every year, or always somewhere new, also reflects what you want out of travel. Is it escapism, to get away from stress? A holiday is as good as a rest.

Back to Nature and Roots
Or is it to recover, go back to nature, find your roots. If you wish to re-live memories, and you leave it to long, you may be disappointed because everything has changed.

Australian Emigrant Returns
I am thinking of an Australian who had emigrated. He longed for years to return to London. However, when he came back it was not the same London as the one he had left. He was now tuned into Australia, because that was more familiar.

Homesickness Versus Being Sick of Home
Homesickness, is another example of this. You go to a new place and everything is unfamiliar. You don't like the food, the place, the people. As soon as you see familiar food and drink, you feel better. Some people from the UK want fish and chips for lunch. They want 'a nice cup of tea'.  Others want McDonald's. Even those who are seeking new experiences, sometimes like to take a break, a coffee break, at a Starbucks.

British Council Overseas Postings
Whether you are on a short break, or going to work overseas for a year or more, you may go through ups and downs of liking and hating the new environment. When I worked for the British Council, we had notes to give to the expats warning them of phases they were likely to go through. First-day thrill of the new. Six-week homesickness. Six months settled. In one or two destinations which were physically and mentally challenging, I think one was Chad, more than two decades ago, the teacher had to be repatriated after six months instead of the year.

I remember going through three phases which we were warned about in the notes we gave to teachers who went to live overseas. You can go through ups and downs emotionally.

Some travellers complain all the time that it is not like home.

Delight In Difference
Others are delighted by every difference.

Small Or Large Hotels
Your circumstances and expectations of a simple life or a five-star hotel can also change your perception. Some people will be bothered by the hotel environment.  Whatever table they are given in a restaurant, they wish to switch to another one. Or they wish to sit at both, before making a choice. Or they don't mind, so long as they get to choose, not the restaurant.

Tourist in Singapore. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

Other people go with the flow. Everything is a 'learning experience'.

Crowds Versus Solitude
On my hiking group holiday, some of the hikers wanted to stay at a simple rustic hotel, not a huge impersonal hotel. Not only the expense. It did not fit their idea of a get away from it all back to nature holiday. (The organiser argued that to get 15 rooms for 30 people, and stay as a group in one place, we needed a large hotel.)

That brings another difference in focus. Do you go on holiday to link up with a crowd, as at a music festival or street parade? Or do you wish to sit on an empty beach, or walk a hiking trail alone?

Toilet with English and Chinese sign. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Territorialism and Toilets
I often go to a new place and feel awkward. I quickly establish my corner and feel at ease. Even going back into public toilets, depending on my mood, seeing the sign in Chinese can make me feel excited, because I am experiencing local culture, or lonely, because I am the only English speaking person for miles. But if I visit the same toilet twice, the second time I am more at ease. I know which cubicle I prefer. (I know that I wiped the handles last time and its the cleanest.)

Territorialism and Choosing Restaurant Tables
If you find that everybody says the restaurant is the same as your last visit, but you find it not as good, or even better, part of it may be your expectations.

The Soul, Essence, Image and PR for a Place
PR people try to capture the soul of a city. The city that never sleeps, is about the activity. The pearl of the Balkans, is about the architecture or scenery. The Venice of the North, is a phrase to evoke a clear visual image in the hope that if you see it you want it.

The PR is also trying to sell on familiar feelings, to make the place familiar. If you liked Venice, you will like this place.

New Destination Or Old?
You can analayse your holiday destination, your life, and your attitude to crime and punishment, dementia and death, by whether you believe everything has a soul which stays the same, and whether you like the familiar, reminders of home, or want something new.

Does grandad, or the tour guide, tell the same stories as yesterday? Do you love hearing the story again, or are you infuriated?

Continuity
I read an article debating whether a brain could be copied or transported to another body, and which would be the real you, the brain or the body? Was there a soul which could survive or move or exist outside the existence of the body and the consciousness of the brain?

Dying Overseas
What happens if you are ill or terminal overseas? It is expensive to bring the body back.

Some people say, 'If I die, just cremate me or scatter my ashes. If I am terminally ill, I'll just jump off a cliff and save you the trouble of hospital bills and visits.'

Some stay at home relatives want the body back. They insist they need a body and a burial place in order to grieve and continue a connection.

Others want to end the searching, the uncertainty, sever the connection. They want to bury the body and closure.

Do Not Resuscitate
I am against Do Not Resuscitate for two reasons. One is, whilst there is life there is hope.

 The other is from the point of view of the catatonic, if I were unable to speak, I would still enjoy seeing my family, even if they got no joy from my lack of response.

As the visitor, I wanted to keep my family alive, (my mother, father and uncle) even when they were no longer enjoying life or responding.  I preferred the security of still having them in my life. Their being alive benefitted me, although it was not benefiting them.

Continuity In People
We already have three practical questions to which people give different answers. The orginal problem is, the 90-year-old man looks at the photo of himself as a six-year-old and says, that's me. Is it the same person.

We have this problem when it comes to sentencing criminals. Some say you are forever responsible and should be punished for what you did as a child or a teenager. Others say, if too much times has passed, you are no longer the same person. Some people reform, others are serial offenders.

Crime And Punishment In The USA
The Californians have a simple, practical solution. Three strikes and you are out. On a positive note, if what looks like a murder was an accident, manslaughter, you get a second chance to be careful never to do it again. You also get a second chance. This means that if you reform, then you are a changed person.

If you don't, you are the same person. You must be punished, or prevented from committing further crimes, depending on what you think its the purpose of prison. Taking another scenario, some people say, for example, 'I am a footballer (or ballet dancer). That is my identity, my happiness. If I lost my legs, or brain, had dementia, I would not want to live.'

Dementia
Others remain the same. Love is a two way activity. Some people want to keep Granny with dementia alive, even if she does not recognize them, preserve a body in a coma, and preserve a dead body, because the one way love from the spectator to the body remains.

If you wish to go back to the original article, the link is at the end of this post.

If you are booking a holiday for yourself, be aware of whether you are looking for home comforts and repeats, or surprises.

Organizing
If you are selling a holiday, or keeping a group happy on holiday, note who likes surprises, and who needs home comforts. That way you have more chance of keeping everybody happy on holiday, including yourself.

Soothing
I remember travelling with an elderly relative by marriage who was developing dementia. After half an hour in a shopping centre, she started panicking and wanting to go back to the hotel. She needed to rehydrate, to go to the toilet, to see a familiar place, to get away from crowds of people, to sit down, to see the girl on reception who she would recognize and who would remember her, a waiter or waitress who would take the time and trouble to get the tea exactly how she liked it.

You can also conrol your own reactions and enhance your holidays. I like to go on holidays to new places and learn new things. However, one of the ways I like to include something familiar in a new destination is to learn the language. You can calm yourself and make others smile with just a couple of words. Please read my other posts, bookmark my posts on languages, and share links to your favourite posts.

Useful Websites
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/12/what-makes-you-you.html

Author
Angela Lansbury