Travel with Angela Lansbury: Coping with bereavement

One thing the queen knew, that dogs are devoted to you and a comfort in times of trouble.

This photo is from Facebook, from my friend who introduced me to Toastmasters International, Indra.

Customs vary, the rich and the poor, the English and the Irish, the Christian and the Jewish, Victorian and modern, UK and China.

What are the steps in coping with bereavement?

1 The married or elderly person making a will and giving instructions regarding their burial or cremation, funeral or memorial.

2 Paperwork. Refusal to believe it is about to happen, or has happened. Guilt. Anger. Acceptance. Moving on.

3 Display or transfer of Body. Viewing. Retrieving jewellery or placing it on the body. Travel.

4 Notices to relatives that somebody is dying, has died, and the funeral. (Protocol varies.)

5 Funeral includes speech by the nearest and dearest and/or a minister. Music. Readings. Order of service.

6 Burial. Return to relax at funeral tea.

Wake. (In New Orleans a jazz music and dance parade celebration of the dead person gone to heaven.)

Letters of condolence. BOOKS of condolence. Cards. Thank you cards. Gifts to charity. Flowers. (Not for Jewish funerals.) Suitable wording.

At a Jewish shiva, or evening prayers, you wish the family 'long life'. Why? Maybe to be positive and forestall the desire to commit suicide to be no longer alone or to join the loved one in heaven.

7 Will. Distribution of goods. Paperwork and taxes/probate.

8 Family agreement or argument!

9 Demonstration of grief - or appearing composed in public, crying in private.

19 Flashbacks, blaming self or others. Refusal to accept it. Anger. Stoicism. Depression. Relief (that suffering is over).

11 Dealing with well=wishers, and enemies or debt collectors.

12 Payment for funeral. Selecting tombstone and wording, giving dates of birth, and death, and survivors, and a motto or description. In Russia, Greece, and other countries, a photo or statue or monument showing the face and body and profession or hobby of the deceased.

13 House clearance.

14 obituaries - preparing and/or reading.

15 Preserving or disposing of or house clearance.

16 Distributing photos and mementoes.

17 Moving on - remarriage.

18 Consolation from pets or children or carers.

19 Talking it through.

20 Escapism. Holidays. Moving on.

21 Lessons learned - for dealing with death, preparing one's own will and distributing one's own money, property or other assets.

22 Preserving fading memories. (Gravestone settled and visited on one year anniversary. "Stone-setting'.

23 In some countries the body is dug up and dressed in new clothes:

A) (Sulawesi, Indonesia), set at a dinner table with the family.