Why you should never buy a black suitcase
I have had black suitcases. They are a disaster.
Take these cases – sorry about the pun.
a) Husband and wife go to the airport with matching suitcases. Great idea. All my life I wanted matching suitcases. So smart. Never again. My husband arrives at his conference in Italy with a lady’s underwear and bikinis, as if he’s a closet transvestite. Not a single pair of socks. Just pink bras. I arrive for a press trip run representing Brides magazine and all I have is huge men’s shoes and bow ties like Marlene Dietrich in a musical.
b) I arrive at an airport and check in my black luggage. When I land at the other end of my journey in Florida, it has gone. My group is delayed waiting for me. I am not popular. Grand dinner - but I have no evening clothes. I am at reception trying to talk tohe airline. My black suitcase has been picked up by somebody else with identical black luggage. They are 100 miles away the other end of Florida. The airline won’t return my luggage until they have received the other person’s which they can collect next day. But I’m off on a day trip with the travel press. Half my luggage is the fancy dress costume which I hope will win me the prize of a free trip to the USA. My costume does not arrive until after the fancy dress competition.
c) On 9/11 I am in Singapore. After a bomb threat all the luggage is taken off the plane and spread out on tarmac safely away from the terminal. We are sent out in the tropical sun surrounded by the army with assault rifles and sniffer dogs, to identify our black suitcases amongst 500 other black suitcases. Not until the suitcases have all been identified can we return to the terminal.
d) My son has injured himself skiing and is in a wheelchair. The person looking after him has to fetch the luggage from the carousel. What does the luggage look like? It’s black. Yes, really helpful.
e) I am tired of black luggage. I arrive at an airport and wait by the carousel. After half an hour I spot it at the other side of the airport. I saw it only because it was bright pink. If it had been black I would have spent another anxious half hour, running up expensive time on the hire car waiting outside.
