In Singapore I taught expats how to eat using chopsticks. I was astonished to learn from an older Chinese Singaporean that he was puzzled by and intimidated by British cutlery, knives and forks.
For soup, which is eaten at the end of the meal, the Chinese have porcelain spoons, and spoon rests.
UFor the benefit of visitors from overseas, and a reminder to those living and working in England, America, and European countries, here are some rules to remember.
Singapore flag.
British and American and European cutlery is there to help you. It keeps your fingers clean. Knives, cut up food. Forks push food towards the knife or spoon. Big spoons serve, and middle size spoons scoop up soup. Dessert spoons means spoons for eating desserts.
Dessert. Waiters are there to help you.
I wrote some doggerel as a reminder.
When dining, don't be afraid of long menus
Or young waiters, arrive early
Ask for their help, make them feel good
They'll smile, chat, show teeth pearly
To those used to using chopsticks
Knives and forks are confusing cutlery
Everyday layouts won't confuse the Brits
But silver service to many is a mystery
Each country has its own good rule
But it needs communication
To diners and new waiters
To avoid lots of confusion
Laying the table
I've been in restaurants in the UK where I asked for cutlery. The waiter grudgingly fetched it and slung it down on the corner of the table, before rushing off elsewhere, to serve somebody else, talk on the phone, or moan to other waiting staff.
Cutlery should be placed in front of each diner. To sling it down at the edge of the table so that the diner has to stand up and reach for it or hand it to others interrupts their conversation. It also signals that the waiter hates the restaurant and customers and the customer would be justified in felling insulted and not leaving a so-called optional tip for service.
Photo by Angela Lanshury
Knife & Fork Position
Let's talk about a knife and fork
1 The knife is on the right
2 The fork is on the left
3 The soup spoon's first, far right
Why is the knife on the right?
Easy to understand
Before forks were invented
Knives were gripped by your cutting, (fighting!) right hand.
4 However, Americans, after cutting meat, and other food into bite size pieces, put down the knife and move their fork to their right hand.
Why? 1 Like the Chinese not to have a threatening knife in their right hand? 2 To have their left hand free to grab a gun? 3 To make life simple, only one piece of cutlery to handle? Opinions differ. I was on the midnight hour show on radio London for a talk by myself followed by a phone-in on etiquette. An American listener suggested point two about the gun.
Identifying Americans
You can identify an American in a restaurant (we once did in France) by noticing them holding their fork in their right hand. We were having trouble translating the menu and the staff spoke little English. I looked around the room and spotted a French man with an ex-pat American wife or guest. I asked her to help explain the menu, and she was delighted to do so.
Soup
5 The British eat warming soup first.
(The Chinese eat soup last)
Soup spilt in laps mishaps the worst
6 Tilt plate away, danger is passed
Knife & Fork Position & Eating Order
7 You start from the outside.
8 Knife and fork position - placed A shape on plates in the UK is silent signal that you are still eating
Still eating, paused, might finish soon.
Vertical parallel lines means I have finished - signal to the waiters to prepare to clear plates.
9 However, if the hosts of VIP guest or majority are still eating, waiters should not clear plates. Clearing some plates might cause diners to rush eating and choke, or burp, or leave behind choice morsels, or be obviously finishing later delaying the others. It looks like the waiters want to go home in a hurry!
Next, the soup spoon and the tea spoon
Soup Spoons
10 The soup spoon in England has a bowl which is round
In Europe that's unknown. I asked for a soup spoon in an Italian restaurant in Edgware and the waitress brought me a dessert spoon. I thought she was being at best careless, at worst, insulting. She was not Italian. When this happened on a second visit, I asked why I did not get a soup spoon. She asked the manager and came back and reported that they didn't have any. I wondered whether they were all in the dishwasher, or the restaurant was on a tight budget, about to go out of business. I asked to speak to the manager. Where were the soup spoons? To my amazement, I learned that soup spoons are a British thing, no known in some European countries..
11 Dessert spoon oval,
12 placed above the plate, handle to the right, since most people are right handed.
13 The dessert fork for moving items onto the dessert spoon is similar size, but the handle is on the left for the other hand, the left hand. tea spoon smaller, to fit inside the tea cup to stir the sugar.
14 Mugs are taller, often without saucers, but fancy restaurants might have decorated mugs on matching saucers with lids to keep warm or cold the longer, longer-lasting drinks.
15. Coffee cups tallest of the cups which sit on saucers to catch spills and hold spoons. (Go onto the websites of coffee sellers for the exact heights and volume of liquid and French or Italian names of each size of cup.
16 Cup handles should be on the right, for the right handed. NEVER in the north, south or west positions. That's an insult to the diner.
17 Coffee spoon smaller, to fit inside a tiny cup such as an espresso cup which is smaller than a regular size tea cup.
Should be shown to those laying tables and waiters replacing cutlery and clearing away, for silver service.
18 The serving waiter's on diner's right
19 Another waiter should be clearing - from the left. Obviously, once you think about it, they will then not collide with the waiter serving the food, or drinks!
Chatting or Silent
All silently, like ghosts out of sight
Waiting at distance, watching, deft.
However, happy to chat, when invited to do so by diners. The modern way is for waiters to smile and add a word of encouragement. Great choice! Enjoy! Call me if you need anything? Is everything all right?
Italians are more effusive and welcoming. They talk with their hands, greet you enthusiastically.
The knife and fork for the starter (antipasta) and pasta course are often saved for the main course.
Silver Service
This means silver cutlery and attentive waiter service, usually on a table set with a white fabric tablecloth.
You can see me demonstrating cutlery and crockery layouts and etiquette on a you tube, interviewed by my good friend, William Brougham, who I met at Harrovian Speakers, a Toastmasters International club in London.
Useful Websites
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soup_spoon
Angela Lansbury is the author of several books on etiquette, travel and other subjects, which you can read out and buy from Amazon and Lulu.com.
Angela has been writing about etiquette since the 1990s and you can still buy some of her classic books such as Etiquette For Every Occasion, and Wedding Etiquette, and How to be the Best Man. If you buy a book and then manage to catch her at a Toastmasters International club meeting, or a wine tasting or wine and dine dinner, she will sign the book for you, dedicated to you or the recipient if you bought it as a gift.
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