Problem
How do you respond to hecklers?
Ansers
1 Do not get angry. Do not walk off stage nor threaten to do so. Remain good humoured. Be prepared.
2 Plan and list some possible heckles, work out possible responses and memorise responses.
Depending on the age of the heckler - or for humorous effect if you reply as if they were a different age:
'I asked my father to come along. That was a mistake.'
'Never invite your ex along.'
'OK you can be part of the act - but you won't get paid.'
'Anybody got a funny answer to that? Thank you / Maybe there isn't one.'
'I told my brother, pretend to be drunk, angry - and stupid.'
'I said I was too busy to come to your stage act. I just changed my mind.'
'Assume they are a friend / boyfriend, or could be:
'No, you can't buy me a drink - oh, all right, if you insist!'
'Listen folks, he's probably a nice guy, deep down - if you want to go that far.'
'Would my mother like you? Probably. But she's dead.'
'Get off the stage - get off with whom? With you? Later, darling.'
'I was paid for ten minutes but they'd had enough after five. Brilliant pay.'
'My boyfriend said he didn't want me to go out tonight - but I didn't think he'd take things this far.'
'That's what happens when you take the last parking space.'
'What did they put in your drink? Give me something else.'
'Best offer I've had all evening.'
'Angry guys excite me. Wow - it's getting better! Please, enough. Keep going - we're nearly there. Yes, yes, yes.'
'Four letter words turn me on - that was good. .... Can you say it French? How about Italian? My language course doesn't teach me these words.'
'I teach English. That's great. Now, can you say a complete sentence? Now in the past tense.'
'What did you have for breakfast?'
'What are you going to do tonight?'
'Is that what you'd really like to do? My last boyfriend put it differently.
'People usually buy me dinner first.'
'I didn't pay him enough.'
'My mother told me that when a man shouts insults, he wants your attention, because he likes you. Two men! Aren't I lucky! I do like attention.'
'Never stop a man and tell him you have to go on stage.'
'Where did you get that lovely tee-shirt?'
'Hey - are you calling me? Oh - the gents are that way. Can somebody help him, I don't think he can stand.'
'I don't think you should drive, darling. I'll drive us home.'
'I told him, if you love me, shout something, don't shout I love you, shout something else. See he still loves me.'
'I tried computer dating but I get more attention from men by going on stage.'
How do you respond to hecklers?
Ansers
1 Do not get angry. Do not walk off stage nor threaten to do so. Remain good humoured. Be prepared.
2 Plan and list some possible heckles, work out possible responses and memorise responses.
Depending on the age of the heckler - or for humorous effect if you reply as if they were a different age:
'I asked my father to come along. That was a mistake.'
'Never invite your ex along.'
'OK you can be part of the act - but you won't get paid.'
'Anybody got a funny answer to that? Thank you / Maybe there isn't one.'
'I told my brother, pretend to be drunk, angry - and stupid.'
'I said I was too busy to come to your stage act. I just changed my mind.'
'Assume they are a friend / boyfriend, or could be:
'No, you can't buy me a drink - oh, all right, if you insist!'
'Listen folks, he's probably a nice guy, deep down - if you want to go that far.'
'Would my mother like you? Probably. But she's dead.'
'Get off the stage - get off with whom? With you? Later, darling.'
'I was paid for ten minutes but they'd had enough after five. Brilliant pay.'
'My boyfriend said he didn't want me to go out tonight - but I didn't think he'd take things this far.'
'That's what happens when you take the last parking space.'
'What did they put in your drink? Give me something else.'
'Best offer I've had all evening.'
'Angry guys excite me. Wow - it's getting better! Please, enough. Keep going - we're nearly there. Yes, yes, yes.'
'Four letter words turn me on - that was good. .... Can you say it French? How about Italian? My language course doesn't teach me these words.'
'I teach English. That's great. Now, can you say a complete sentence? Now in the past tense.'
'What did you have for breakfast?'
'What are you going to do tonight?'
'Is that what you'd really like to do? My last boyfriend put it differently.
'People usually buy me dinner first.'
'I didn't pay him enough.'
'My mother told me that when a man shouts insults, he wants your attention, because he likes you. Two men! Aren't I lucky! I do like attention.'
'Never stop a man and tell him you have to go on stage.'
'Where did you get that lovely tee-shirt?'
'Hey - are you calling me? Oh - the gents are that way. Can somebody help him, I don't think he can stand.'
'I don't think you should drive, darling. I'll drive us home.'
'I told him, if you love me, shout something, don't shout I love you, shout something else. See he still loves me.'
'I tried computer dating but I get more attention from men by going on stage.'
Angela Lansbury
Author of Quick Quotations.
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