When you are travelling people text you and get irate when there is no reply.
You have to alert them to the fact that you will be out of touch. You do not have to tell them that you are away from home or which country you are in.
You should also be understanding about people who do not reply. If somebody does not reply, see things from their point of view.
What could be the matter?
TIME ZONE TROUBLE
They are asleep in a different time zone.
They are at work in a different time zone.
They have crossed the time line. Your weekday is their weekend off. Your weekend off is their weekday at work.
TRANSIT
They are ordering airline seats and meals and cannot stop or they lose what they have just spent 20 minutes typing.
They are packing.
They are hunting for suitcase keys.
They are phoning for a taxi.
They are in a plane with no access to wifi or asked to switch off during take off and landing.
They are in a long airport security queue where use of cameras and phone is banned.
They are being interrogated by security on exit.
They are pushing a trolley.
They are directing a taxi driver.
ARRIVING OVERSEAS
They are greeting long-lost friends and family.
They are meeting neighbours.
They are ordering food.
They are dealing with dust, mould, weeds, leaks, defrosted food, repairs, gardeners.
They are burgled and need to deal with police, insurance company, window repairs, door repairs, receipts for the items stolen.
They are dealing with doctors, dentists, opticians, eye test and fames, hospital appointments, banks and unsurance, council tax, subscriptions, undelivered mail.
CONFERENCES
They are driving along the motorway.
They are at a rest stop using the bathroom and washing hands.
They are watching their suitcase and car.
They are watching surroundings for pickpockets in a street or market or crowd or empty street.
They are hurrying home after dark and need to watch the paving stones, tree roots and traffic.
They are speaking on stage.
They are in the audience where all are asked to switch off phones or leave phones by the door.
MEALS
They are cooking meals. They are washing up.
They are buying gifts for a visit.
They are visiting long lost friends and family and meeting new people.
They are holding a baby, or toddler, or babysitting.
They are swimming or playing tennis, or another sport.
They are in the bathroom, shower or bath where their phone must be kept out of water and they won't want to accidentally broadcast sound and vision.
CRISIS
They are visiting dying relatives at home or hospital. They want to give the patient their full attention and not answer 500 people on Facebook and whatsapp asking can we chat.
They are in a motorway accident.
Or just filling up with petrol.
They are in a supermarket queue buying petrol.
They are at a wedding or funeral.
They are dealing with a lawyer or handing the executing documents and reporting deaths. The execution of a will, sending off numbers and particulars.
They are hunting for credit cards and pin numbers. Or for their passport.s
If somebody does not reply, or does not turn up, and they usually do so, it is not appropriate to get angry and demand why are you not answering me. It would be more reasonable and kinder, and more likely to get a result if you showed goodwill, and concern by asking, is everything okay?
They could be ill or have a sick family member. If other people are nearby, they might not want to reveal the reason. They are not going to stand next to their dying relative shouting, "He's gonna die any minute!"
So, remember these suggestions>
Don't take it (silence) personally.
Don't demand a long, detailed reply.
If a person is in a crisis situation they may be too busy.
Or, too anxious to answer a direct question.
Silence After Bereavement
I was once asked a question on the phone by a representative of a Commonwealth war graves commission. They asked, "When did he die. How old was he?"
The young age at which my mother's first husband died suddenly hit me. I opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out.
The death was in WWII. Neither the person asking the question, nor I, expected me to suddenly get upset.
I suddenly and unexpectedly completely lost my voice.
A little sympathy goes a long way.
On another occasion I called my neighbour. She answered, "You sound a bit out of breath. Are you okay?"
I replied, "Yes - I'm okay, but - my mother just died!"
She answered, "Where are you? By the front door? Stay there. Open the door. I'm coming right over."
What if the silence is from somebody on holiday and you need a quick answer to a question, for example, about money.
If you are calling from overseas to somebody who has not called back about a responsibility, you can phone.
We had a club treasurer who was away overseas. We did not want to disturb him when he was on holiday. Eventually we called. We found out he was at a funeral.
When phoning, you could offer,
"Is this a convenient moment? What time is it there?"
"Are you okay? Is everybody else at your end okay? Is there anything I can do to help? Is there anybody I can inform? Do you need anybody to cover for you?"
"Have you any idea when you might return? How long are you likely to be needed there?"
"Is there a better time for me to talk to you? Feel free to call me back. When is there a good time to call you?"
Try to end on a positive note.
"It was good talking to you. I am glad you are okay."
Respect their privacy.
"I can tell people for you, if you would like me to. Who should I tell? I will tell everybody/Where should people send message of sympathy?"
Alternatively, if appropriate, "I won't tell anybody. I won't tell them yet. We can leave it until you get back. That's fine. I understand."
A friend of mine was having a stressful day and complained that two years ago somebody had told her they wished she would die. Six other people had already replied with supportive messages saying the writer was a great person.
I thought, two years ago is a long time and time to stop worrying and move on. I thought, in the long run we are all dead. But the insulting person had wanted death straight away. That did not happen. My friend had survived that day and two more years, and might well lead a long life,
Samaritans Of Singapore
Singapore
https://www.sos.org.sg/
https://www.moh.gov.sg/covid-19/faqs/faqs---leave-of-absence-(loa)-stay-home-notice-(shn)-and-quarantine-order-(qo)
Malaysia
www.befrienders.org.my
USA
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
About the author
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