When organising a birthday or wedding be prepared to chase up every organisation and organiser the day before, to get everything in writing, and to have contact details of who will be responsible for action on the day. This year I have experienced two events where the bride and birthday girl were stressed by delay.
First, I shall tell you about the wedding. The officiant due to perform the ceremony could not be contacted during the Saturday of the wedding, his office had an answering machine, and he was late. Since the bridal couple were serving free-flow champagne and drinks at a reception before the wedding ceremony, a half hour delay could have doubled their drinks bill.
The photos were meant to be taken on a bandstand in gardens outdoors. Delay would have meant that the photos could not be taken in the light.
In the end I conducted a dress rehearsal ceremony so that the photos could be taken outside in the light. We were prepared for the signing of the contract to be made at a register office later. The anxious bride was talking of cancelling the dinner as there was no point of having a dinner to celebrate a wedding which had not taken place.
I did not speak to the officiant about the delay, but understood from the bride (bride and groom are both close friends) that the officiant claimed to have had trouble finding the venue.
Later I heard of another ceremony at a house in London where the officiant had turned up four hours late, claiming to get lost.
At an earlier family wedding I attended, the bride's father was expected a seated meal, but the hotel supplied a buffet, with waiter service to the bride's table but not for the guests. The bride's elderly grandparents and others of the grandparents generation did not want to have to stand up and queue. The bride's father demanded waiters, but the hotel said they had another wedding event the same day and simply could not supply more staff.
The bride's father said that he was not prepared to have stress or time wasted on an argument on the day spoiling the day for the bride and her family. Supply extra waiters, at whatever cost required, and we will sort out the finances later. (This was in Exeter, England.)
Birthdays and Anniversaries
The first time I had a hiccup at a birthday was at a restaurant which is now closed called the Alpine in Bushey Heath, north west London. We had visited them many times over the years because of their good food.
I once had a meal and a family member ordered strawberries. Before the dessert arrived I thought this was a waste of money, because you could buy strawberries in any supermarket, so when
I went to a restaurant I ordered a made up dish which would have taken me hours to prepare.
However the strawberries were so exceptionally tasty that I went to ask the owner how he got strawberries so much better than the ones in the supermarket. The owner told me he got up at 5 am to travel into central London to visit the fruit and vegetable market and select top quality, high priced produce for the day, hence his high prices for 'ordinary' fruit salad.
I wondered whether he had to economise on staff or staff training. What happened at the family birthday was that we waited for the birthday candles to arrive with our dessert and they didn't. Another nearby table had birthday candles and I eventually went to enquire what had happened to my birthday tables candles. I was assured they were on their way and would arrive with coffee.
Meanwhile the next table were eating their birthday cake, not looking very happy. I want over to ask them how was the birthday cake. The frowned, then got chatty and confided, "The cake is OK - but it says Happy Birthday and it's our wedding anniversary."
I went back to my table amused at this revelation which explained what had happened. The chef who wrote on the plates now had to find time to write on the plate and supply a replacement happy anniversary (perhaps the original order was wrongly written) as well as a replacement happy birthday for us, and the extra cake, either freshly made or defrosted.
In some London restaurants, such as Cafe Rouge, you are given sparkling wine free, albeit in previous years there has been a minimum number of diners, such as if you have brought four, or six, or ten, whatever that restaurant chooses, and in recent years Cafe Rouge in North West London has instead made a minimum spend. We have three or or four family birthdays when we eat out at restaurants.
At the Tanglin Club in Singapore we had another kerfuffle, delay. We had booked a birthday meal, the club knew my birthday date because they had sent me a birthday voucher. We turned up and presented a birthday voucher at the start of the meal. We ordered, at our expense, sparkling wine. Dessert came with no birthday message or candles. I had brought my own birthday badge which I had seen on a birthday card in London. I had bought one for boy and one for girl. Since I had mine prominently displayed, I thought they might take the hint.
When I went to the desk and asked if I could have a plate with happy birthday written on it in chocolate, I was asked if I wanted to order a cake from the deli with the happy birthday message. I asked, Are you offering me a complimentary cake or asking me to pay for it. They confirmed the latter. I said I did not want to pay extra for a cake, as I had already eaten my dessert (which we would be paying for) and had expected the words happy birthday or a candle on the desert. Please just supply something with the words happy birthday.
Finally, along comes a small cake with a candle and a small oval of chocolate with the words happy birthday in even script. (It looks like they might pre-order these by the dozen or pre-prepare them). I know from investigating what you can order in the way of cakes for a birthday that these items are available from chocolate and cake suppliers. Most large restaurants, especially those in hotels, have a dedicated dessert chef in the kitchen who will make up fresh cakes or chocolates on the day and add the happy birthday to the plate. The reason they like to be told in advance is because even a five minute delay in writing out happy birthday three times for different tables would delay the service of desserts and coffees, especially if a cake has to be made up at the last minute.
So I got my cake with a candle and a chocolate with the words happy birthday. The waiter even managed to wish me happy birthday at the end.
I suggest you announce to staff at the beginning that such and such a person is the birthday boy or birthday girl. Tell both the waiter and the head waiter. I've had a lifetime's experience or weddings and birthdays where you didn't get what you expected. It's a regular pattern. And not just in the bad old days, the past. My experience of weddings and birthdays where you didn't get what you expected in time, twice by March. Learn from my mistakes and successes.
Birthday and Wedding Tips
1 If time is of the essence for meals, drinks, ceremonies, make it clear to participants and explain why.
2 Check phone numbers of contacts - where you can contact them on the day, evening, weekend.
3 Check numbers of waiters at Weddings and timing of cake and ceremony. Have a toastmaster/best man whose job is trouble-shooting.
4 Have the wording of all ceremonies or speeches written out, printed, on phones, with two or more people to guard against loss of paperwork or delay or illness of participants.
5 Have backups for everything, including speeches, cakes, candles, photographers and cameras.
6 Supply maps and directions to all.
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer.
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