Writers Summer School - what I learned about seating in dining rooms

 

The Hayes Conference Centre. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

The Writers' Summer School was originally set up to bring together writing circles from around Britain so they could share their knowledge and writing and books. It is still the case that some people from writing circles arrive in cars in pairs, or in groups.

The net result is that a newcomer is a loner. So is an old timer who is not part of a writing circle. (Mine in Harrow disbanded, after some people moved overseas, others went too professional to need other amateurs when they had publishers to give feedback. Others grew ill, retired, died.

In a large group at a table, the pairs or foursomes are people who already know each from back home. 

Pairs Of People

One pair is a mother and daughter. Another are father and son. Another pair is a husband and wife team. Two others work together. 

Two more are a same sex couple. The talkative one eventually tells me proudly that they are 'partners'. They were very nice and friendly. The larger, chatty, dominant one, instantly talked to me. But her thinner partner never took her eyes off the partner, never looked at me. So the large women was the pivot between us. 

On another occasion, I went up to join a woman who had been very friendly to me in the comedy group. But she was now with another person who she worked with. They were engrossed in the practical arrangements for their next event, another conference overseas, the hotels, travel arrangement. I was left out. For me, the end of that arrangement, what had seemed like a potential friendship.

I have been thinking about the etiquette of joining groups. It is better to select who you will sit with before entering the dining room. Even if it means jumping the queue for food in order to get served at the same time looking for a seat. 

An alternative is to sit in the same place, the same table, with the same people, every meal. But I like to change tables and meet new people. I sometimes walk through the dining room, glancing at each table, until somebody smiles welcomingly. I sit next to them.

Sometimes I sit alone. I look around at those walking in. If somebody stands, hesitating, looking at me, I smile and beckon.  

Etiquette rules for you to follow in Asia and The West

In Asia the first things I learned were:

1 Beckoning
Beckon a taxi with  your hands palm down like patting a dog.

2 Business Cards
Present your business cards with both hands and a nod or slight bow. Receive a business card with both hands and a nod or slight bow.

3 V Signs
Winston Churchill made the V for victory sign popular in WWII.

Wikipedia article on V-sign. Photo in the public domain.

Asians are keen on V signs. With the palm facing forward, that's V for victory. Japanese girls use it as a peace sign.

I never make a V sign in case I get it wrong or the sign is misinterpreted. In Europe a V-sign with the palm towards yourself means up yours.

Hitchhiking

Hitchhiking thumbs up. Photo from Wikipedia article on hitchhiking. Photo author Drozd.

4 Right Hand Only
Asians who eat with their hands eat with their right hand in the food.
The left hand is reserved for going to the toilet.

5 Hand Shaking, Bowing and Namaste
In the US, UK and most of Europe, you shake hands on meeting somebody new or entering a meeting, greeting the Toastmasters of the day, and leaving the stage and welcoming the Toastmaster of the day or evening to take over, signing and sealing a business deal, often on congratulating somebody for winning a prize, and on leaving and saying goodbye.

Photo from Wikipedia article on Namaste: An Oberoi Hotel employee doing Namaste, New Delhi. Photo author Saptarshi Biswas on Flikr.

Namaste
Namaste is holding both hands together as if in prayer and nodding as a greeting.

Bowing
The Japanese bow. Men sometimes keep their arms to their sides as they bow. Women fold their hands as they bow. Sometimes men hold their hands as they bow.

The West - Europe
UK
A pupil should not address a teacher as Miss, but by their proper name.
In the UK small children who would struggle with surnames may call adult women Aunty and the first name.
In Singapore, the prefix, Uncle or Aunty, is a sign of respect and warmth towards an older person.
However, in the UK you would not call an adult stranger uncle or auntie, wich incplies they are related to you. Nor would you call an older person Grandad can be an insult, implying they are a grumpy old man.

Kissing
The French will kiss other on or near the cheek, not lips on lips, but kissing the air beside your cheek, as a greeting.

Thumbs Up

Thumbs Up - Numbers
A thumb up is one in the UK but five in Japan.

OK
The OK  or round sign formed by the thumb tip and next finger is OK in the USA but rude in several other countries. Rather than learning which countries, forgetting and getting it wrong, just avoid using the OK sign.

Useful Websites
Japanese etiquette
https://livejapan.com/en/article-a0000211/

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer, photographer, author, speaker.
Author of Etiquette For Every Occasion. You can buy it from Amazon or Ebay, new or second hand. If you read it, please give me a review. I have other posts on etiquette around the world. Please bookmark and share links to your favourite posts.  

Etiquette in Asia: taxis and tips

Problem
Taxis won't stop.

Answer
In America and Europe you beckon towards yourself. in Asia you wave your hands palm downwards like patting a dog showing a driver where you want him to stop. Watch other local people hailing taxis and you will get the idea.

Drivers in Singapore don't expect tips and  you should not give them.

In countries where there is a no tipping rule such as New Zealand and Singapore and China, follow local customs. Otherwise you are seen as condescending, offering bribes, jumping a queue.

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer, author and speaker.