How To Be a Good Loser and Magnanimous Winner At Contests And Events

Tennis players shake hands after a match. I have decided we need a similar system in Toastmasters contests. I have won and lost many times, and seen others win and lose many times.

Shaking hands. Wikipedia.

I have been a member of four clubs, two in the UK and two in Singapore, as well as a Writer's group in the UK which has contests for writers and Writers' Summer School Which Also runs contests.

Inevitably, sometimes the losers are crestfallen. I have seen a contestant bury her head in her hands on a desk and look tearful and refuse to join in a photo. I have also seen a contestant who is autistic jumping for joy, leaving the audience embarrassed on behalf of the person who was not the winner.

After a recent contest I suggested that the losers should shake hands, like tennis players.

A mentor tried to persuade a contestant that she should not only try to psych herself to win, she should also be prepared to lose.

She said she would bang her hand on the wall, to remind herself to do better next time.

At this I was very concerned and told her,
"You must not hit your head because your brains are in your head and you must protect them against damage. You owe it to everybody else to protect your body and mind. Remember the song, 'Take good care of yourself, you belong to me.' "

I then decided to rehearse what she would say in both scenarios, winning and losing. I said, "Pretend your mentor has just come second and you were first. Shakes hands with him and wish him well in future contests."

She did so.

I then said, "Let's reverse the scenario. This time he has won and you were second. Shake hands with him and wish him well and success in the next contest."

After she did that, quite well, I sighed, "I ought to take up counselling!"

My other friend said, "You just have. That's what leadership is all about."

We are often asked, what do you think are the characteristics of a leader? What should a leader do or not do?

I now have an answer. A leader should teach contestants to remain calm in a crisis. To congratulate winners and be happy for them even when you have lost.

The TV series losers dealt with people who have bounced back. But being a good loser is more popular than note being a good loser. For example, Wiki reports:

'At the 1994 World Championships in Chiba, Japan – where the three Olympic medalists did not compete – Bonaly's final overall score was equal to home country favorite Yuka Sato, who would be awarded the gold medal after a 5-4 tiebreaker decision.^[15] Upset by the result, Bonaly stood beside the medals platform rather than on it. She eventually stepped onto the platform but took off her silver medal after it was presented to her; she was immediately booed by the crowd,'

People in walks of life succeed after surviving setbacks. One great example is Jack Ma, cofounder of Alibaba and China's richest man..

Useful Websites
Wikipedia Jack Ma
The Losers Series reviewed
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9817218/reviews?ref_=tt_urv



Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.

Speaking Versus Acting

I've been following several discussions about speaking on LinkedIn. One controversial question is: Should speakers act? Are acting and speaking different?
Being Yourself Close-up
I think people join Toastmasters International because just being yourself is not enough. Watch any vox pop interview of the public and they um and er, change their minds, swear, don't know, think that 'you know' instead of telling you, and bore everybody by not getting to the point.
When you talk close-up to your Mum (Mom to you in the USA), she knows you and you can be yourself.
Acting On Stage To Be Seen And Heard
However, as soon as you get on stage you have to be seen and heard by the stranger in the back row.
A slight grimace or wince can be seen by those in the front row, but the person in the back row won't know. To show you are scared you must shout, 'No!' cover your mouth and retreat to the back of the stage.
Involving The Audience
In a normal dialogue the person you are talking to can interrupt if they misunderstand, want to ask a question, change the subject if they are bored. On stage you have to keep them entertained and emotionally involved. They can't walk out in a contest, but they can walk out mentally.
Being Seen At Sides And Backs Of Halls
The bigger the contest and the room where you perform, the more you have to be larger than life in order to be seen by those sitting at a distance, some of who have sight or hearing problems. Thanks to members of the forum for introducing me to a concept known to actors as breaking through the fourth wall (invisible curtain across stage). You cannot sigh quietly or muttering and ignoring the audience at the sides and back of the hall. If you do, people sitting in the back row will start chatting to their friends. Contests have big audiences sitting both sides of a huge hall. To be seen requires 'acting', large gestures, walking about using the whole stage.
But the Top Speakers Are on TV Screens!
Yes, the US president is on huge TV screens. So are the top speakers. But to get to the position where speakers are on huge TV screens (Toastmasters International speaking contest finals) you have to get through the previous stages, without screens, and act.