Rehearsing being a good loser - when online

Braddell Heights Advanced on learncool.sg

Nowadays those of us responsible for organizing events have to be careful to keep up the morale of contestants, whether they win or lose.

We need a set of ten commandments for contestants in speech contests.
Each contestant must rehearse saying something positive in the interview whilst waiting. eg 'I did my best'. or, I made some mistakes but I have learned so I will do even better next time. The other contestants were great, just having them competing kept me on my toes.'

On winning the winner should have rehearsed a speech to the others, maybe: You had a great prop, I loved your line, ...'

The runner ups and not place should have a rehearsed speech for the winner.

All the runners up and not placed speakers will have somebody who thinks they should have won. That is why you have five or more judges.

At the Braddell Heights meeting online, 29 April, 2020, I was able to speak to the winner of the Division S contest, Eliya, who I have known for some time. He was at the Braddell Heights Advanced meeting before the contest as well as the meeting afterwards.

After the Area S Division contest the previous Saturday, one contestant told everybody she felt she had failed, even before the results were announced. 

Her anxiety before hearing the results reminded me of two cases where students had committed suicide before hearing their A level results. If only they had waited a day, they would have discovered they had succeeded.

Exams, students. Adults at Speakers' conferences must be more resilient. Hm I heard that a new member of one of the clubs I visit regularly in London had committed suicide. In early 2020. No warning signs

So, a few weeks later, I did not feel i could just shrug when I did hear warning signs.

It was not the failure, but the fear of failure, which tormented them.

But even if you do fail to reach first place, logically if one person is first out of 10, 9 out of the ten contestants must be disappointed.

I related the story at the meeting of the film I had seen about the finals in the USA.

 I asked first place winner Eliya how he felt about winning and losing.

He said he recalled a previous head of Division S advising, "Enjoy the journey. If you are not enjoying it, no point doing it."

He said, "It's the journey, not the destination."

We often hear two sayings:

It is not failure. it is a learning experience.

The other is the popular saying attributed to Edison, the inventor whose persistence benefits us all today with light bulbs.

His saying was, "I have not failed 1000 times. I have found out 1000 ways of not doing it.' 

So that is the moral.

Next time I shall rehearse everybody reacting to good and bad news and rehearsing their pre-results chat.

Author

Author, Author! About the Author

Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker. (Not related to the actress.)

Author of twenty books including: Quick Quotations; Who Said What When.

See books and profiles on Lulu.com and Amazon, such as Wedding Speeches & Toasts. Also watch videos on YouTube.

See other posts on singers, statues, languages and destinations.

If you want to learn to speak the Queen's English, or Received Pronunciation. join me at my online toastmasters club,

Braddell Heights Advanced. Wednesdays, 7-9 Singapore time which is seven hours ahead of London, England.

I am also a member of

Singapore Online.9-12 pm, Singapore time, Fridays. I am also a member of

Tampines Changkat Advanced.

Harrovians, London.

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How To Be a Good Loser and Magnanimous Winner At Contests And Events

Tennis players shake hands after a match. I have decided we need a similar system in Toastmasters contests. I have won and lost many times, and seen others win and lose many times.

Shaking hands. Wikipedia.

I have been a member of four clubs, two in the UK and two in Singapore, as well as a Writer's group in the UK which has contests for writers and Writers' Summer School Which Also runs contests.

Inevitably, sometimes the losers are crestfallen. I have seen a contestant bury her head in her hands on a desk and look tearful and refuse to join in a photo. I have also seen a contestant who is autistic jumping for joy, leaving the audience embarrassed on behalf of the person who was not the winner.

After a recent contest I suggested that the losers should shake hands, like tennis players.

A mentor tried to persuade a contestant that she should not only try to psych herself to win, she should also be prepared to lose.

She said she would bang her hand on the wall, to remind herself to do better next time.

At this I was very concerned and told her,
"You must not hit your head because your brains are in your head and you must protect them against damage. You owe it to everybody else to protect your body and mind. Remember the song, 'Take good care of yourself, you belong to me.' "

I then decided to rehearse what she would say in both scenarios, winning and losing. I said, "Pretend your mentor has just come second and you were first. Shakes hands with him and wish him well in future contests."

She did so.

I then said, "Let's reverse the scenario. This time he has won and you were second. Shake hands with him and wish him well and success in the next contest."

After she did that, quite well, I sighed, "I ought to take up counselling!"

My other friend said, "You just have. That's what leadership is all about."

We are often asked, what do you think are the characteristics of a leader? What should a leader do or not do?

I now have an answer. A leader should teach contestants to remain calm in a crisis. To congratulate winners and be happy for them even when you have lost.

The TV series losers dealt with people who have bounced back. But being a good loser is more popular than note being a good loser. For example, Wiki reports:

'At the 1994 World Championships in Chiba, Japan – where the three Olympic medalists did not compete – Bonaly's final overall score was equal to home country favorite Yuka Sato, who would be awarded the gold medal after a 5-4 tiebreaker decision.^[15] Upset by the result, Bonaly stood beside the medals platform rather than on it. She eventually stepped onto the platform but took off her silver medal after it was presented to her; she was immediately booed by the crowd,'

People in walks of life succeed after surviving setbacks. One great example is Jack Ma, cofounder of Alibaba and China's richest man..

Useful Websites
Wikipedia Jack Ma
The Losers Series reviewed
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9817218/reviews?ref_=tt_urv



Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.