How to be funny in English and other languages

How to be funny - especially in a foreign language.

SPEECH
If your attempt to speak a foreign language makes them laugh - try opening or ending with a couple of words which make them smile.
Try counting to ten in each language.



New Zealand flag.

New Zealander's say six like sex.



Offer Chinese speakers a choice of pointing to six or a sexy girl.

Sing a song. Or a nursery rhyme.
Mix the languages. Six Ten Green Bottles hanging on the wall. 



In German. You start with ten, then, nine, which is nein. do a double act with a German.

MIME
Use mime.

GESTURE
Exaggerated gesture. Horror eg
Planes takes off as you drink coffee.
Ferry bounces as you try to eat soup.

Use Exaggeration.
Limp in.
Do you ski well?
I ski like a rocket. I did that on day one, in my first lesson. I'k
d never skiied before and I broke my ankle. The man in the ambulance could not believe I survived. I was heading for the top of the cliff and the instructor came racing after me so fast we don't know how he survived. After he went over the cliff. We were both insured. The difficulty was phasing the claims.
Alternatively:
Skiing? I was so afraid I padlocked myself to the locker in the changing room.

Do the opposite of what is expected.
At a ski resort in the evening, they suggest doing swimming in the spa.
So grin and get out a bikini and a pair of ski boots.

Useful Websites
https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2018/dec2018/20-humor
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_friend

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.

What do the Chinese signs on Sixth Avenue station mean?

I was sitting on a train in Singapore learning the numbers one to ten in Chinese which were easy. One is a horizontal line Like Hyphen. Two is two horizontals like an equal sign. Three is three horizontals like a Roman number three on its side. Ten is a cross like an X spun clockwise or a gravestone cross. Six looks like a stick man with a head, two arms two legs and imagine the body.

The train drew into sixth avenue station. I looked up and saw the middle symbol of the Chinese writing was the number Six.

If you look at the paper underground map you will see all the station names in Chinese. At one point I stuck the map into the front of my diary and tore off the Chinese part to make it less bulky.

Later I looked at the Chinese signs to try to find which word symbols were repeated. I was looking for names which were the same in English, such as park. However, I discovered that on my train stations map all the station names ended with an extra symbol. So the station name here has three symbols. On the paper map Sixth Avenue has four Chinese symbols, the fourth being either station or line.

Now, every time I go through Sixth Avenue station on the train, I am reminded of the sign for six.

Words for station

I typed in the words for sixth avenue station into Google Translate, then took each symbol and reversed the translation from Chinese to English

第

六

大

道

站

线

I got

The first

six

big

road

station

line

So the symbol for station has the right hand symbol like a little stick man, a station master behind an information desk, pointing to the right, to the station.

Numbers and Months

The numbers are also used for months. So if you look at a leaflet or poster which tells you the date in English, you can recognize the Chinese. January is two symbols, month and one. February is month two. Again, this is a handy reminder of the symbols for the numbers one to twelve.

January - month 1

February - month 2

March - month 3

april - month 4

may - month 5

june - month 6

july - month 7

august - month 8

september - month 9

october - month 10

november - month 11

december  - month 12

Author Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author, speaker, teacher of English and other languages.

How To Read Your Own Handwriting From Your Last Trip - and reach today's destination

Problem
Nothing more annoying than coming home from holiday with indecipherable notes. What was the name of the restaurant? How do you spell it? What did I say about it at the time?

Answers
Take self-captioning photos as soon as you reach a destination:
The welcome signpost of the city.
The hotel name on the door.
The menu in the restaurant.
Your new friend's business card.
Their name surreptitiously written on the corner of the paper table napkin.
If you can't spell their name, ask them to write it and keep the paper.
Label photos with names at the time or the same evening.

On the plane or the way home, go through hand-written notes and write any unclear words and proper names in capitals above the lower case handwriting.

As soon as possible, type up your handwritten notes.

Reading Handwriting
Join up the writing. Dot the 'i's and cross the 't's.

Keep a record of your own handwriting common confusions. For example, here are mine in alphabetical order:
First is what the letter looks like, then what I actually meant to write

h=k
i=t
l (looped) = u
l (short) = r
l = uncrossed t
m=n or ni or in with the dot missing
n=o
n=m
r=t
u=o
v=i
w=rs (yourself looks like yoivself)
backslash is r
forward slash is r or t

Able label used to have a guide to how you should write letters when ordering address labels. A common mistake was ambiguous letters and number, failure to distinguish 6 from L and so on.

1 I cross a seven, European style, to distinguish it from one.

2 I trained as a sub-editor, and in proof-reading, so I am used to underlining capital letters.

3 I write the surname in capitals. This is helpful in Asia where the surname comes first. I also write the surname in capitals. LEE Kuan Yew tells me that his surname is Lee. Lee is not his first name.

I often accidentally write phone numbers with the zero with a gap in the top so it could be a six. To avoid confusion, I go back over a number and check with the original and then make the number clearer.

4 I make a point of joining up a zero at the top.

5 I join up the six with a small circle at the bottom and a large semi-circle on top.

6 You could alternatively write a dot under a six and a line above a zero.

7 Nowadays I often find email addresses won't operate because you have typed in an elongated zero 0 instead of a wider capital O or vice versa. If website addresses don't link up, check your typing.

8 Writing slowly helps. I often write fast when I am not in a hurry and when it is more important to get the number right.

9 If you are rushing to get off the train and say goodbye, say the number out loud, keep repeating it to yourself, then check your writing after you have waved goodbye.

10 Copy handwritten notes on names, addresses and phone number into your phone immediately. Don't rely on hand-written notes in your pocket, often lost amidst other bits of paper. List the day's contacts from the agenda in your mobile phone.

I do this, mainly so that if I get lost en route, I have the name of the club president to phone and check directions.

Ring Tom
I once spent hours wondering who I meant by an instruction ring tom. Who was Tom? I did not know any Tom. Maybe it was Tim? I solved the mystery when I wrote the same thing again later in the day. Ring tom was an abbreviation for ring Ring tomorrow.

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer. Author of How To Get Out Of The Mess You're In.

Learning Chinese, Japanese and Malay From Railway Station Signs: 6th Avenue!

Picture from Wikipedia showing numbers in various languages. (English, Urdu, Roman, ending with Chinese / Japanese.)

Look at the numbers in the bottom line of the picture. They are Chinese signs for zero, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Six looks like a standing or seated man: head, two arms, two legs, invisible pavement or invisible seat.

Problem
How do you learn and practise a language every day, effortlessly?

Answer
Learn to recognize station signs. You see them every day as you pass.  Learn Chinese signs and you have also learned Japanese. The reverse benefit applies. Learn Japanese signs and you have also learned Chinese!

Railway Station - Botanical Gardens
For example. I was sitting at the Singapore station Botanical Gardens which is a point of interchange from the blue Downtown line. I looked at the three Chinese signs for Botanical Gardens and said to my companion: "I wonder which of those signs means garden?"

Translating Photos And Text
We took a photo of the sign with our phones. However, you cannot put a sign into Google translate. So we tried the other way round. We could not type in the word garden in Chinese. So we typed in Garden, in English, and looked to see if we had a match with the word which came up and our photo.

Sixth Avenue
Another stop on the Downtown line is Sixth Avenue. I was looking at the English words Sixth Avenue when the Chinese signs alongside jumped out at me.

Hey - the middle of the three signs is a number I recognize! I learned the numbers one to ten last week. That's the number six!

It's not where I would expect it. The number six is the middle of three signs. It so happens that six is one of the Chinese numbers I found hardest to remember. One, two, and three, are easy to remember because they are simply horizontal lines, one line for one, two lines for two, three lines for three. Four is a square with two curves inside like a curtained window. But six bears no relations to anything.

However, now I shall be able to remember six easily. From just once glance at it on the railway station the number six is instantly ingrained in my memory. It will be reinforced every time I pass through that station. The sign shows a man on Sixth Avenue station standing or sitting waiting for the train.

You are likely to see Chinese signs if you live in or holiday in Singapore, Hong Kong, or China. You will also see signs on Chinese restaurants in Chinatown in large cities. More are in any country with borders with China or large numbers of Chinese investors or visitors. I saw signs in Cambodia, which has a lot of investment from China in Siem Reap, the city around the temples of which the famous one is Ankor Wat, Wat meaning temple.

Happy hunting with Chinese and Malay and French and other signs.

In Singapore I was a volunteer at an English enrichment programme at Crescent Girls' School. We helped girls who had failed mock O level to pass the exam. They all passed (except one who was in hospital).

Every day I receive reminders from Duolingo and Duolingo Tiny Cards to keep up my Chinese. Even if I did not use their system (and I do use it every day) the daily reminders would be invaluable.

Happy learning. Thank you (for reading). 'Shay shay', which means thank you in Chinese, is what I hear on every train journey at the end of Chinese announcement. I also hear the Malay ones ending Terimah Kasih (thank you in Malay) and 'Mandri' (thank you in Tamil).

But my top triumph is spotting the number six in the sign for Sixth Avenue.

 Multilingual signs everywhere.

Multi-lingual signs on trains - and local people will help you to translate.

Stations and bus stops - whilst waiting around, time to learn languages.

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker, teacher of English and other languages.

Even Numbers In The West ; My Rant Against 3 Samosas Between 4 People and 1 chocolate between 2

Problem
Can you count to two, and four? Yes. So can most people. The British, and most westerners, like even numbers. In England you buy a dozen roses. Not a baker's dozen, thirteen which guarded against the risk of being hanged for short changing a customer by giving him food under weight. Let's look on the bright side. A dozen roses. If you can't afford a dozen, half a dozen roses.

The British used to have a dinner service of 12 dinner plates. Thirteen was unlucky because it reminds you of the last supper. 13 had supper. Only twelve survived the night.

Supermarkets sell eggs in boxes of six. Every now and then a manufactuere tries to reduce the number to 5. Howls of outrage.

Four would be okay. You can sell a set of four cups and saucers. For two couples. Or two cups. For one couple. Or a single person and a date or a guest, a friend.

But you can never sell five cups nor three. One person would be left out of the conversation. Five cups? Even in a charity shop, you must reduce the price of a set of five cups with six saucers. The British buyer thinks: I have been short changed. There should be six, an even number.

A supermarket can sell a customer: 'Buy two, get one free.' But you can't sell three. It looks like the retailer bought sets of four from the wholesaler and is cheating the customer.

Restaurant Tables For Two and Four
Restaurants have tables for two and tables for four. You can't sit three people at a table for four. That looks as if you are cheating the restaurant of a fourth setting.

Waiters don't like it. The restaurant manager loses the sale of a meal. The waiter has a reduced tip.

Even in an empty restaurant. An imaginary group of four might materialised out of the cloud, in an empty restaurant, and want to choose that table. That table is reserved.

You might try to move to a table for two. As the waiter said, it is small. You will cope. Then you try to move a chair from a table for four, to convert a table for two into a table for three.

Watch what happens. The waiter says, "You can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"My staff can't get past. We might have an accident. It's a table for two. It's two small for three."

They Are Odd, In the East
In the East, they like odd numbers.

Japanese Tea Sets
When I was teaching English conversation to a Japanese lady she served tea, two cups from a set of five. The Japanese have tea sets with five cups. "In England we have six tea cups," I told her.
"Why do you have five," I asked her. "

"Ah, so. Four guests. Plus hostess to serve them. Five."

She thought:
"Why do you have six?"

A generation or two ago, families would serve 12 people. Now we have smaller families, and sets of six.

Three Samosas
The menu of the new Sakonis vegetarian Indian restaurant in Hatch End, North London, offered vegetarian samosas (3).

Samosas are trangular pastry cases with various fillings.

Ordering Four
I supposed we could have ordered two, portions, making six, one per person and two spares.
My husband refused. He was the man in charge of ordering and he wanted several different dishes. "I'm not going to order two plates of the same dish. Besides, it's two much food. That would be wasteful."

When ordering, we asked if they could make four. Our server went to the kitchen to ask if the cook could make that 4 pieces.

Yes.

However, we got three. We were served three samosas between four people.

Another 'small plate' which we had potato bajis, balls like dumplings, as a starter was also three pieces.

Divisions
The division of the samosas created divisions amongst the customers.
We divided the first two Samosas into half,, one half for each per person.

The potato bajis, balls like dumplings, are also served as three pieces. We often eat as a threesome. but in a foursome this is odd.

The restaurant could reduce the portion to two and give you three if they see three people, forcing you to order two plates for four people. I hope they don't. Maybe we should just keep quiet!

This is not the first time I have found a discrepancy. After a meal in a restaurant, when they present chocolates of bisucits with the coffeee or the bill, I worry, how many chocolates will you get?

Chocolates
I've had this problem before with chocolates, chocolates at restaurants, and chocolates in hotels.

Chocolates in Hotels
Two or three times I've been in hotels which offer a turn down service. They don't seem to co-ordinate with the desk to find out that two people are sharing a room. So we get one bathrobe between two. We get one pair of slipers between two. Plus one bath towel between two.

Finally, one chocolate between two. Since we both like chocolate, this could be a problem.

Supposing the chocolate is on one side of the bed, and the person on that side eats it, thinking that there must be one the other side, or that the other person has already eaten theirs.

I remember, one one occasion, after a tiring day, the missing chocolate was 'the last straw'. I phoned down to housekeeping. I asked, "Is it possible to have another chocolate?"
A voice replied, "Another chocolate?"

"Yes," I replied, trying to sound light hearted. "Two of us had one chocolate. If either of us eats it, the other person will commit murder. Can you send up a second chocolate? It will save an aful lot of trouble for us, and you."

"You want another chocolate?"

"Yes. Please."

"Anything else, Madam?"

"Yes, another bathrobe. We have one between two. And another bath towel. And another pair of towelling slippers. I'm fed up with hopping about wearing one."

"A chocolate. A Bathrobe. A bath towel. And a pair of towelling slippers?"

"Yes, please, that would be delightful."

PS Flower Numbers In Russia and Romania
In Russia, Romania and Slavic countries you send even numbers of flowers to a funeral. You send odd numbers for a bride or a gift for living people.

Flower Numbers In Singapore
The same applies in Singapore where a bride carries seven flowers. (However in Singapore gifts of money are given in multiple numbers of lucky eight. The number four is unlucky because it sounds like the word for death. House numbers and motorbike numbers with eight are favoured.)

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker. I have many posts on language and destinations in Romania and Singapore. Please share links to your favourite posts.