Create funny mock-plane seats at home and watch your/others' videos for Armchair Travel

The idea of pretending your washing machine is a cruise ship window is so ridiculous it is funny. An inflatable pool with bar stool in your back garden (or back yard as the Americans say) is better than nothing. I shall start with serious guides, then end with the amusing mock destinations.

I am very content travelling the internet. I could spend months searching through information and enjoying discoveries, planning trips which might take place later this year, next year or never.

What can you do to recreate the pleasures of travel:
Practical Pictures
1 Watch videos (made by drones)
2 Project seasides or forests onto your living room or bedroom or kitchen or bathroom or outdoor walls
3 Print your favourite photo large and frame it
4 Use your favourite holiday or business trip picture as your laptop's welcome screen
5 Use your favourite holiday or business trip picture prjected behind you as your backdrop
 when videoconferencing using Manycam
6 Compile a serious guide to your city or your dream destination using route planning guides and photos from wiki. Start with your heroes and heroines such as Anne Frank, Helen Keller, Jesus, American Presidents, Elvis, Freddie Mercury and city destinations, mountains, beaches or treks.

Amusements
Create a jokey mock up of plane or cruise travel to amuse your friends, using
1 Hotel pool
Deckchairs in the garden by an inflatable pool.

2 Hotel Pool bar
Bar stools and cocktails by kitchen work surface. Stick poster of distant hotel on wall.

3 To recreate a cruise ship window or airplane window.
Washing machine circular front windows. Stick picture of outside scene on outside of window or inside.

4 To create a plane interior:
A bank of chairs alongside or behind each other with masks or saved airline socks or paper sick back and airline magazines. Wife (male or female) wearing tight skirt with small hat and scarf or baseball hat from tour company carries meal on a tray.

5 To create airport lounge
Airlne magazine covers stuck on magazines to recreate an airport lounge. Add wheeled bags and briefcases. For seatbelts, and remove clip straps from shoulder bags.

5 A mock plane toilet
Remove all your other clutter leaving only your saved free zip up flight bags and disposable toothrushes.
Printed signs above your batrhoom (rest room) or toilet door.
Signs can say;
Occupied.  .
Return to seat.
Stand outside looking glum holidng a magazine and looking at your watch.

6 Mock Destination Video
Take your favourite clips and create a guide to your home city.
If all else fails, just photograph your garden or the view from your window and do a mock travel guide to nature of city life.

7 Holograms
Hologram of yourself or wildlife.

Entertaining and Educational Websites
From Wiki

• Comparison of bicycle route planning websites
• Google Transit
• Rome2rio

• Rutebok for Norge
• Transport Direct Portal

• Traveline
• Walkit.com

VIRTUAL TRAVEL USING SCENERY

http://www.bbc.com/travel/story/20200330-covid-19-virtual-travel-during-coronavirus

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ManyCam
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtualtourist
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heritage_Key
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_learning_environment
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-dimensional_virtual_tourism
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holography

AMUSING JOKES ABOUT RECREATING TRAVEL
https://www.washingtonpost.com/travel/2020/04/15/people-miss-flying-so-much-theyre-re-creating-airplane-experience-home/
https://www.insider.com/tiktok-recreating-flight-experience-inside-laundry-room-2020-4

About the Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker. (Not related to the actress.) See books and profiles on Lulu.com and  Amazon and videos on YouTube.

How to be funny in English and other languages

How to be funny - especially in a foreign language.

SPEECH
If your attempt to speak a foreign language makes them laugh - try opening or ending with a couple of words which make them smile.
Try counting to ten in each language.



New Zealand flag.

New Zealander's say six like sex.



Offer Chinese speakers a choice of pointing to six or a sexy girl.

Sing a song. Or a nursery rhyme.
Mix the languages. Six Ten Green Bottles hanging on the wall. 



In German. You start with ten, then, nine, which is nein. do a double act with a German.

MIME
Use mime.

GESTURE
Exaggerated gesture. Horror eg
Planes takes off as you drink coffee.
Ferry bounces as you try to eat soup.

Use Exaggeration.
Limp in.
Do you ski well?
I ski like a rocket. I did that on day one, in my first lesson. I'k
d never skiied before and I broke my ankle. The man in the ambulance could not believe I survived. I was heading for the top of the cliff and the instructor came racing after me so fast we don't know how he survived. After he went over the cliff. We were both insured. The difficulty was phasing the claims.
Alternatively:
Skiing? I was so afraid I padlocked myself to the locker in the changing room.

Do the opposite of what is expected.
At a ski resort in the evening, they suggest doing swimming in the spa.
So grin and get out a bikini and a pair of ski boots.

Useful Websites
https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2018/dec2018/20-humor
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_friend

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.

Modern Souvenirs To Wear From Russia

Problem
What are Free Sights Selling?
Language lessons on the internet are often free, but surely they will try to sell something sometime. You can't begrudge them that. They have to make a living. Eventually, they hope to sell you an advanced course, or run advertising, or capture the data.

You have probably heard sayings about business, and marketing, and everything: if you are not with us you are against us; if you are not moving forwards you are moving backwards. If you are not making money, you are losing money.

This language learning website is no longer selling just language items, but now items from the country or about it, for enthusiasts.

My free Russian course just sent me a link to their Russian souvenirs page. Of course, I was curious to take a look. Why not!

In general, I like to buy traditional items, not kitchen tee-shirts and mugs with puns. However, I just loved their website. I don't know why it's so funny to see keep calm and learn Russian written in Russian. It's a double joke.

First, it was originally a WWII government slogan.

Secondly, the Russian language is a challenge, but if you can read the tee-shirt, at least you are making some progress, and seeing the Russian on the tee-shirt is a remember of the alphabet. I thought their souvenirs were great fun.

And the mug which says in Russian, I am a Russian spy - why is that funny? Again it makes me laugh on so many levels. He is using Russian as a code. Only people who bother to learn Russian or are born in Russia and are Russian speaking are likely to be spies. But if you can read the words on the mug - maybe you are also a spy, at very least pro-Russian.

Years ago a spy stayed a spy, hidden.  Only after he or she died did the rumours start. Now we have spies all over the newspapers. This ex-spy accuses that ex-spy. You wonder whether spying is one of the courses offered at uni, perhaps in the careers advice leaflets.

Finally, would you drink coffee prepared by somebody who claims to be a Russian spy, admittedly as a joke.

I love it, love it, love it.

I also liked the Moscow skyline pillow and the balalaika mug.

Useful Websites
https://funrussianstore.com/?utm_campaign=Conversational+Russian+Video+Course&utm_content=Announcement%3A+It%27s+finally+here%21&utm_medium=Announcement%3A+It%27s+finally+here%21&utm_source=getresponse
https://funrussianstore.com/collections/pillows

Holiday Reading - Comedy, Tragedy, Tragic-Comedy Or Fun Fiction - packing books, suggestions

Problem
What do you read about the country before you go there? On holiday? When delayed at the airport? On the beach?

Why Misery Memoirs?
A misery memoir, which makes you find your delays and inconveniences pale by comparison?

Write A Novel
In November you can sign up to write your own novel. (Maybe faction - fact turned into fiction to protect you from libel action by your nearest and dearest!

A Good Story
I just reminded my neighbours of the time they took in an umbrella I had delivered, thinking it was a free gift from a catalogue company. Now they say they have no recall of this incident. Luckily we are all on good terms. They just grin and say, "No recollection of this - but it's a great story!")

Prison Memoirs
I like to read true stories. Ideally with a happy end.

However, other people like drama, horror stories, read about the 'Bangkok Hilton' - prison. I frown. Unless you are planning to risk ending up in prison, why subject yourself to such miserable reading!

I must admit, I have read three prison memoirs. They make rivetting reading. They make me think about not carrying anything for anybody else.

Refusing Parcels
I suppose it's a warning not to ever take a parcel for anybody else. I was asked to take a parcel on a ferry by a stranger.  No way. A nuisance. A stress. A danger. I told her to give it to the ferry staff.

Then, good friends ask my family to bring over items from shops.

If you do take a parcel, insist that it is unwrapped because it is going to be unwrapped by the customs officers anyway. And insist that the person who gave it to you puts their name and instructions on it including their signature e.g. wedding gift from John Brown to Auntie Mabel.

How do you refuse? Say you are already overweight. Tell them you are unsure of your direction and time or travel and to send their parcel by air, tracked, instead.

Carrying Books
To save delays, open all wrapped goods, such as those sent by Amazon and carried along with you. Re-seal them so they don't fall apart and are protected, but can be quickly inspected.

Cover paperback books with protective covers, preferably waterproof covers or ziplock bags so your water does not spill onto them.

What do you want to read?
Here's a list I made at Writers' Summer School when I attended an excellent course run by Paul Dodgson at The Hayes, Swanwick, Derbyshire:

Other People’s Houses Core Segal (Kindertransport siblings).

Into the Arms of Strangers.

Writing Autobiography by Laurie Lee

Hilary Mantel Wolf Hall

A million little pieces by James Frey

Clive James Unreliable Memoirs

Jan Morris Conundrum

Beach books
Pick your own comedy or chick lit.

Misery Memoirs
Bad Blood by Lorna Sage.
(My book group read this. The book group organizer said, "A misery memoir - but funny!"

Evocation of The past
Rosie by Rose Tremain.
I read an extract. Not enough action for me. But others like the picture of the past.

Prison And Prison Escape Books
https://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2016/apr/11/books-behind-bars-five-best-stories-prison-life-alan-sillitoe-erwin-james

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer.

Look for the dwarves! Tiny comical statues in Poland

Problem
Where and when can you see the dwarves?

Answers
Wroclaw in Poland. The funniest story ever.

You can see a dwarf resting on a little sofa, a dwarf prisoner, a dwarf in a wheelchair - supporting the city's help to the handicapped residents and visitors.

You can take a guided tour or buy a guidebook.

Their festival is in September.

Lots more pictures and stories about them in the Wikipedia article on Wroclaw dwarves.

PS
If you wanted to see a real dwarf, the hero of real live dwarves was the one in Harry Potter films. I saw a documentary about him at the Warner Studios tour in England. You can book the tour on line.

Author

Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker. See previous posts on destinations including Poland, and learning the Polish language. Please bookmark and share links to your favourite posts.
I have more blogs here and my other blog is luxurytravelforless.co.uk

American English - British English - Australia and New Zealand

A few words you might like to remember.
USA rest room / bathroom / john  - UK toilet / loo / little boy's room / lavatory Australia - dunny

Foods
USA Jello  (brand name) - jelly (UK generic or general term)
USA jelly - UK jam or marmalade

UK - flip flops (beach shoes with toe post) - Australia - thongs
In the UK thongs are underwear or bikini bottoms with a string or t-bar at the back
So a sign at Bondi beach telling you 'no thongs' is referring to beach shoes, not bikinis

Names
In the USA it is common for a boy to be called Randy, as a 'given name'. In the UK anybody who is randy is hoping chatting up girls and looking for sex. In the USA they would be horny.

In England we refer to your maiden name (girl's family name before marriage). Surname is what other countries call family name. First name means what other countries call given name.

In Australia a sheila means a female.

In Singapore an older man might be called uncle and an older woman might be called Auntie, even though unrelated and not even a friend, just a stranger on the train or the taxi driver. In the UK this is only used by toddlers and small children.

I wrote a post a while ago about translating the words in Australia's favourite song Waltzing Mathilda.

Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.

Author of Quick Quotations; Who Said What When?