What to do with plants when you are away

What do you do with house plants when you're away? I recall regular conversations with the son.
I say, "Hello, darling. Is everything OK?"
"Yes. Sort of."
Me (increasingly anxious), "What's the problem?"
Him: "I don't want to worry you."
"I'm already worried. If you need help, I want to know. What's your problem? Have you hurt yourself."
"It's not me, Mum. It's just - you know you had an orchid?"
"I have several?"
"Well you have one less."
"Fewer. An orchid has died? Did you water it?"
"Maybe. I don't know. I don't think so. Was I supposed to water it? I watered the others."
"Yes. You are supposed to water them all. How would you like it if everybody in the room got a glass of water and you were left out! Plants are very easily satisfied. They do like coffee and tea but you can get away with giving them nothing more expensive and time consuming than water. I'll leave them in the sink again, next time."
"But that gets in the way if I want to fill the kettle."

I just read a solution to this problem. If you are going away for a week, or less time, such as a long weekend, you can use ice.

Ice? Doesn't the ice damage the plant? Apparently not.

What's the advantage?
1The ice melts slowly. Surely not - most ice melts in 24 hours? Maybe they don't need the water to be added slowly over the whole week, just not all at once filling the air holes in the soil and drowning the roots.

2 The other main advantage is that you have exact portion control. Three cubes is about a quarter of a cup, preventing you from over-watering so the roots become water-logged and rot - and you don't get dirty water running out over the nearby sofa under the windowsill nor the sink draining board onto your cups and saucers and plates.

I haven't tried this yet. When I first read it I thought it must be a spoof. But the whole of the site is most educational. This website solved two more problems for me:

What are the roots growing over the side of the pot and should I cut them off?
I tried cutting them off and replanting in other pots but they never grew new plants. They are called air roots.

Re-potting should take place every two years. Goodness - I rarely do that.

Finally, the plant that looks as if it's dying and revives. I had eventually from inertia kept apparently dead plants, watered them intermittently, then found flowers. I assumed that the plants flowered twice a year. Or every year at the same time. But maybe they just have two bursts after a rest, like some of my roses, taking a time to grow new buds into flowers which then appear to burst suddenly over 24 hours, when actually the buds have been growing for weeks.

However, the website added a new thought. Plants hibernate. They rest. So even if you come back from holiday to a very woebegone plant it has not necessarily gone. Wait for the new flowers to spring.

What to do?
1 Send timed emails to the family: Sunday is plant watering day. Water my plants today.
2 Ask family to send you pictures of your plants every weekend.
3 If family won't water plants, ask them to allow neighbours to come in and water the plants.
4 If you really think it helps, tell the family it's an excuse to get the neighbours in for coffee because they are lonely. Tell the neighbours the truth, that you can't trust your family to water the plants. If you are lucky, they will all enjoy this multi-level bluff.
5 If the family are not looking after the plants, get the neighbours to water the plants whilst checking your post for parking tickets and other must act now urgent mail. (Urgent mail can be photographed or even shown to you on Skype.
6 Set up plants around the computer so when you do a Skype call you can check on your plants.
Happy holidays to you and your plants.

http://www.justaddiceorchids.com/Just-Add-Ice-Orchid-Blog/bid/81354/Don-t-Throw-Out-Your-Orchid-It-s-Not-Dead

Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.
Author of How To Get Out of The Mess You Are In and several other books.  Watch me on YouTube talking about restaurant etiquette and cutlery, spelling, grammar, all sorts of useful information. If you think you are likely to meet me at a writers' conference or Toastmasters International blue or contest, ask me to bring along my books to show you. If you decide to buy one, I can sign it for you and write a rhyming couplet about your name or hobbies, or dedicate it to a member of your family or a friend for you to present to them as a gift.