Bier at cemetery. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.
Problem
Your relative has died overseas. You have to make quick decisions. For Muslims and Jews the custom is to bury quickly, which is not surprising as in hot countries before refrigeration this would have been wise.
Flowers Or Donations?
At Jewish funerals there are no flowers. At Christian and Jewish funerals I have been to recently, well-wishers were asked instead of sending flowers to donate to a charity. The charity chosen might be connected with the health or interests of the deceased. For example, charities connected with animal welfare, mental health, depression or drugs, or the Samaritans, cancer research, cystic fibrosis, heart.
Transportation
The cost of transporting the body back is expensive. Cheaper to be cremated overseas.
But then there's no gravestone to visit, no record. You could put your relative's life story on Find a Grave or a similar site.
If you are buried back home (for example, the UK) you may become liable for inheritance tax in the country of burial which could be higher than where your ex-pat relative was living.
Casket or Coffin?
In the UK I was not familiar with the word casket. I thought it was an Americanism for coffin. However, I just googled it and discovered that coffins are tapered, whilst caskets are oblong. Disregarding the lid and base, the casket has four sides, oblong, but the coffin has six sides, wider at the shoulders.
The coffin has to be a large enough to fit the body, but not so large that it costs more and wastes wood. A child's coffin is smaller. Both the coffin and the burial space must be large enough, for example, for a man whose height is over six foot.
What Could Go Wrong?
If you have a mean who has had two wives, or who remained legally married to his first wife, and mother of his childen, whilst living with another partner for several years, who arranges the funeral and the place of burial? I have heard of two cases where the two women were in dispute and one of them caused a scene, trying to stop the cremation, or burial oragnized by another relative.
I went to the cremation of a long-standing colleague. His son had placed war medals on the coffin. A lot of frantic whispering went on and the ceremony was delayed. What was the problem? An uninvited guest? Surely not me? I had been invited, or rather, informed.
Later I discovered that another relative, of the father's generation, had demanded that the medals be removed, because, she said, her father had been decorated in wartime and the person being cremated had not. She said, "It is an insult to my family to suggest that somebody else had received a wartime decoartion when they had not."
I wondered whether the medals had been bought on line. I am sure the son genuinely thought his father had won the medals in wartime. Whether the father joked, or lied, that he had won the medals, I cannot know and cannot say.
For light relief, you might like the short comic play The Coffin Is Too Big For The Hole, written by Kuo Pay Kun
(1939 – 10 September 2002). The play has been performed in Singapore, Malaysia and France.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2275613/Grieving-family-hold-funeral-body-stranger-inside-coffin-mix-corpse.html
To go through the funeral once is harrowing enough, but some people have had to do two funerals.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/man-wakes-up-funeral-open-casket-mourners-family-members-watson-franklin-mandujano-doroteo-peru-a8021851.html
https://www.thestar.com/news/world/2009/04/03/tall_man_was_cut_short_to_fit_his_coffin.html
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/funeral-mix-up-bury-wrong-person-port-talbot-wales-baglan-funeral-home-undertakers-a7840591.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1285868/More-200-U-S-soldiers-buried-wrong-graves-Arlington-National-Cemetery.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-LgokJ1KzA Wrong body buried, USA.
Glossary
bier - frame supporting the coffin or casket
casket - oblong box for burial
coffin - tapered box for burial
http://burstows.com.au/arranging-a-funeral/choosing-the-coffin-or-casket.aspx
Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer. See my later post on writing an obituary. Please bookmark and share links to your favourite posts.
