Researching your family tree - useful books and websites

In the grandparent book I found a comment by my late father: We put paper on our windows. I thought this was because they could not afford curtains. However, I learned otherwise when I told a friend, David, who is a retired ENT doctor (ear, nose and throat) specialist). he was a small child in WW2. He said that in the period when bombs were falling on London you put

 paper over windows to protect yourself against flying glass. 

I asked, "Newspaper? Or brown paper bags?"

He replied, "If you didn't have any suitable paper, you might do that. But you could buy special paper designed for the purpose.pasted semi-transparent paper. The paper was sold with a glue backing."

Now I have much more detailed information about WWII for my family history, or the novel based on my family history.

 Useful websites

https://www.ancestry.co.uk/cs/ancestry-family

https://www.findagrave.com/

https://myheritage.com/dna/complete

Dealing With Your Dead Relative's Social Media Posts, Online Obits And Outpatient Appointments

You will have trouble trying to take down a relative's media sites if you don't have their passwords.

Even people who you would think would know, don't know. After my late uncle died in Barnet hospital, in 2002, I received a notice from Barnet hospital giving him an appointment for an eye test.

When I phoned during hospital hours, the line was engaged. When I phoned after hours, the only department I could get through to was maternity. I left a message asking them to call me back. 

When maternity called back, I explained the problem. I asked to be put through to the right department. 

I started by saying I needed to cancel the eye appointment for my uncle. The lady who answered said, "You can't cancel for somebody else. They have to cancel their own appointment."

I replied, "That's not possible. He's dead."

She said, "Can you supply us with evidence?"

I said, "I can't. But he died in your hospital. You should be able to establish that you are wasting time filling up your day with appointments for somebody who is dead."

After that, she was very apologetic. "Oh, no," she said, "Not again!"

If you have a relative who is in a hospital or undergoing a major operation or making a will, ask them to write down all their passwords for you.

Book
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5488203/Why-technology-reminding-Ive-just-lost-Mum.html
The Art of Not Falling Apart by Christina Patterson, published May 2018, can be pre-ordered through amazon.co.uk.

Useful Websites
ancestry.co.uk
https://www.cwgc.org (Commonwealth War Graves Commission)
facebook.com
https://www.findagrave.com
(My memorial to my uncle is at /memorial/8841031/joseph-ronald-geduld )
flickr.com
forcesreunited.co.uk
friendsandrelations.com
gonetoosoon.org 
inmemoryof.co.uk 
linkedin.com
muchloved.com 
myheritage.com

You might also wish to check for family photos and add a post about the lifespan or gravestone on sites such as:
Instagram
twitter
And dating sites!

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker. I have several other posts on funerals. Please share links to your favourite posts.

Bury them overseas or bring them back? Coffin or casket? What could go wrong?

Bier at cemetery. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Problem
Your relative has died overseas. You have to make quick decisions. For Muslims and Jews the custom is to bury quickly, which is not surprising as in hot countries before refrigeration this would have been wise.

Flowers Or Donations?
At Jewish funerals there are no flowers. At Christian and Jewish funerals I have been to recently, well-wishers were asked instead of sending flowers to donate to a charity. The charity chosen might be connected with the health or interests of the deceased. For example, charities connected with animal welfare, mental health, depression or drugs, or the Samaritans, cancer research, cystic fibrosis, heart.

Transportation
The cost of transporting the body back is expensive. Cheaper to be cremated overseas.

But then there's no gravestone to visit, no record. You could put your relative's life story on Find a Grave or a similar site.

If you are buried back home (for example, the UK) you may become liable for inheritance tax in the country of burial which could be higher than where your ex-pat relative was living.

Casket or Coffin?
In the UK I was not familiar with the word casket. I thought it was an Americanism for coffin. However, I just googled it and discovered that coffins are tapered, whilst caskets are oblong. Disregarding the lid and base, the casket has four sides, oblong, but the coffin has six sides, wider at the shoulders.

The coffin has to be a large enough to fit the body, but not so large that it costs more and wastes wood. A child's coffin is smaller. Both the coffin and the burial space must be large enough, for example, for a man whose height is over six foot.

What Could Go Wrong?
If you have a mean who has had two wives, or who remained legally married to his first wife, and mother of his childen, whilst living with another partner for several years, who arranges the funeral and the place of burial? I have heard of two cases where the two women were in dispute and one of them caused a scene, trying to stop the cremation, or burial oragnized by another relative.

I went to the cremation of a long-standing colleague. His son had placed war medals on the coffin. A lot of frantic whispering went on and the ceremony was delayed. What was the problem? An uninvited guest? Surely not me? I had been invited, or rather, informed.

Later I discovered that another relative, of the father's generation, had demanded that the medals be removed, because, she said, her father had been decorated in wartime and the person being cremated had not. She said, "It is an insult to my family to suggest that somebody else had received a wartime decoartion when they had not."

I wondered whether the medals had been bought on line. I am sure the son genuinely thought his father had won the medals in wartime. Whether the father joked, or lied, that he had won the medals, I cannot know and cannot say.

For light relief, you might like the short comic play The Coffin Is Too Big For The Hole, written by Kuo Pay Kun (1939 – 10 September 2002). The play has been performed in Singapore, Malaysia and France.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2275613/Grieving-family-hold-funeral-body-stranger-inside-coffin-mix-corpse.html

To go through the funeral once is harrowing enough, but some people have had to do two funerals.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/man-wakes-up-funeral-open-casket-mourners-family-members-watson-franklin-mandujano-doroteo-peru-a8021851.html

https://www.thestar.com/news/world/2009/04/03/tall_man_was_cut_short_to_fit_his_coffin.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/funeral-mix-up-bury-wrong-person-port-talbot-wales-baglan-funeral-home-undertakers-a7840591.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1285868/More-200-U-S-soldiers-buried-wrong-graves-Arlington-National-Cemetery.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-LgokJ1KzA Wrong body buried, USA.

Glossary
bier - frame supporting the coffin or casket
casket - oblong box for burial
coffin - tapered box for burial

http://burstows.com.au/arranging-a-funeral/choosing-the-coffin-or-casket.aspx

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer. See my later post on writing an obituary. Please bookmark and share links to your favourite posts.