International Dinner Etiquette; what to do with your elbows, soup, fork, the British, French and Spanish customs

When it comes to dinner etiquette, there is no shortage of help out there on the internet. Queen Victoria would have been amused. I shall tell you what she did later.

UK flag.

UK
A quick reminder about Britain:
Forks are placed on the tabled with tines up. However, they are used for eating with tines down to spear the peas, not upwards as if the fork were a spoon or a shovel.

Elbows off the table.
Don't take the last piece of cake or anything else without checking nobody else wants it.
No dunking bread in soup.
When you have finished, place knife and fork together on the plate in the six 'clock position.

French flag.

France
Demonstrate savoir faire and gain some cache.

The French dunk biscuits in coffee at breakfast time. They use bread to scoop up soup and the last of the gravy.

Merci, or thank you means no thank you. I was offered coffee and kept saying merci, thanks, but never got any.

The French put their knife and fork together at the end of the meal in the five o'clock position.

Germany
The Germans, like the French, finish with knives and forks in the five o'clock
position.
https://www.german-way.com/travel-and-tourism/germany-for-tourists/dining-out-in-germany/dining-etiquette-in-germany/

Flag of Spain.

Spain
According to the writer below, the Spaniards are like the French banning hands hidden in laps, up to no good.
They eat croissants and toasts with small knives and forks.
No dipping bread in soup, but you can push food onto your fork.
http://www.notesfromspain.com/2007/03/29/spanish-table-manners-do-you-know-the-rules/

 Swiss Flag.

Switzerland
As in the UK, wait for everybody to be served wine, and for the host to suggest a toast, then clink glasses with everybody and maintain eye contact.
French bread, as in France is crumbly so you tear it with your fingers and don't attempt t cut it into neat slices because if you did that you would make a huge mess.

A Singaporean asks me:
"But if you break bread with your hands - what about the crumbs!"

I suggest you watch your companions. As in Singapore, you do not drop peanut shells on the floor, but in Raffles bar you are allowed to follow the fashion, the tradition of years ago and do so.

Coffee
The story goes that Queen Victoria visited the home of a miner. The miner offered her tea. Then he picked up the saucer and drank from it.
Queen Victoria did as he did.

In her house, he would have been expected to follow the court customs. But in his house, she followed the customs of the host.

As they say, when in Rome, do what the Romans do.

Italy
The Italians have espresso coffee, a short strong coffee, as an after dinner pick me up. At breakfast time they drink a long milky coffee. Italian waiters sometimes get irate. The believe that when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

UK flag.

Queen Victoria would have understood.

UK
On the other hand, we could  consider whether we want to be right - or to make money. In Britain we have a saying: The Customer Is King.

In the USA, the customers are very casual, and after cutting up their meat, just eat with a fork.
The staff also pack up your leftovers to take home. You don't have to ask the staff when you want the leftovers. The staff usually ask you!

Useful Websites

TRAVEL TO LONDON & Beyond

singaporeair.com
Visitsingapore.com

http://silvervaultslondon.com/

visitbritain.com

Switzerland
myswitzerland,com

Spain
www.spain.info

France
visitfrance.co.uk

Germany
germany.travel/en

ITALY
italiantouristboard.co.uk
umbriatourism.it

USA
visittheusa.co.uk

BRITISH DINNER ETIQUETTE

https://www.wikihow.com/Eat-Spaghetti

https://www.etiquettescholar.com/dining_etiquette/table_manners/dinner_etiquette/seafood.html

https://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/cooking-tips-techniques/cooking/how-eat-lobster

https://travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com/2019/04/international-dinner-etiquette-your.html

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker. I have several more tips in posts on etiquette. Please share links to your favourite posts.

Etiquette Travel tips in Asia ; China, Japan, Korea, Singapore

Flag of China.

China
You eat with chopsticks.
Surnames or clan names are first, then given names.

In restaurants you do not tip. to offer a tip suggests that you are jumping the queue, trying to get served ahead of other customers, and can be seen as offering a bribe. If the waiter accepted, they could lose their job. (A bit like handing money to a government official in a government office anywhere in the world.)

Singapore flag.

SINGAPORE
Chinese family names or clan names are first. For example, Lee Kuan Yew, the first name, Lee, is the family name.

Wave down a taxi with your hand palm down.

Hold business cards with both hands to give or receive a card.

Remove your shoes before entering a house or flat.

Don't eat with your left hand.

Don't point your finger or your feet at anybody else.

Don't touch anybody else's head.

Table Reservation
You reserve a table in a food court (hawker centre) by placing a small pack of tissues on the table. Westerners should not take the tissues, mistakenly assuming the tissues are a free gift from the management.

Japanese Flag.

You do not tip taxi drivers or government employees. This is seen as attempting to jump the queue for taxis, and as bribery.

Taxi drivers often do not help with luggage.

JAPAN
You wash before getting into the hot bath in a home. The cover must be replaced after bathing to keep the water hot. The guest gets the first bath and the hottest and cleanest water.

KOREA
You bow rather than shaking hands. (Bow twice at a funeral.)

INDIA
Remove shoes when entering temples.

You frequently eat with your hands.

If you are not getting keen service, you are expected to tip a hotel or restaurant staff member or other employee in advance - otherwise you won't get your table or room reservation. (The same might apply in other Asian countries. Check local rules.)

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.

Train Etiquette In Asia - and fighting cold germs

Problems On Trains
In the UK the health message has for a long time been: Coughs and sneezes spread diseases; catch them in your handkerchief. This was a government health campaign. Even when it is no longer displayed, people still remember the catchy verse and repeat the mantra to themselves.

However, in Asia it is common to wear a mask. Some British people are averse to masks. In London we have masked figures attacking people, robberies and terrorism.

My experience of the blue face  mask in Singapore is that it is unpleasant to wear. You have a small area of hot air you are breathing out under your nose. You feel like you are sucking hot air in through a barrier.

I said, "I have a cold so it's hard to breathe. This mask is making it even more difficult t breathe in.
My Singaporean friend suggested, "Just cover your mouth, so you don't cough over the car everyone."

If I felt a sneeze coming on, I could pull up the mask. I could pull it down to talk, then pull it up if I felt a coughing fit.

That is to protect people in public spaces. What about at home?

You don't want to re-infect yourself, nor other people. This involves meticulously washing your hands before preparing food,and after sneezing or blowing your nose and handling a damp tissue, before putting your hands onto your computer or phone. Maybe use a wet wipe on surfaces you have touched.

Where To Buy A Mask
You can buy mask from pharmacies. Check first if travelling a distance which branches stock them because they might only be in larger branches. During major emergencies such as a haze, some branches may run out. It could help to enquire when the items are delivered and put out on the shelves. For example, if the new stock were to be delivered at 8 am but placed on the shelves at 10 be am, and sold out by 4 pm, you might be told that there would be a fresh delivery tomorrow, but you 5 would not find any when you set off at 8-9 am, nor when you returned at 5 pm.

One solution is to try every store you pass. Another is to get different members of your family or group to look for them.

Free Masks
I was given a mask by a friend in Singapore - who was upset that I was coughing in a car. He obtained a free mask from a Polyclinic near his home.

I found free masks in a private doctor's clinic in a mall. I didn't know who they were for - for doctor's to save themselves from breathing over us or breathing in the patients' germs? I asked at the desk and the receptionist replied, "Please help yourself." She didn't say whether that meant just one, two, or more.

Masks were also in the national University Hospital.

After you get it home, you might just put it down on a desk, hidden under clutter, or leave it in a bag or pocket so that it with you next time you go out. You risk changing bags and clothes and not finding it.

An alternative is to keep it in the bag or jacket you always wear, and tell the family where you have put it, in case they need it when you are not there or forget. Another suggestion is to keep it in a bathroom cupboard, if there is room, or on a bathroom shelf with a note or photo inside the bathroom cabinet door. Another choice would be to keep one mask, or two, in the first aid kit in your kitchen on the wall or in a car glove box.

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.

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www.msn.com/en-sg/news/world/video-fight-breaks-out-inside-mtr-train-carriage-over-man-coughing

Luxury Travel For Less, Website Blips, Special Offers: Travel Blog Challenges

Problem
My blog includes every interesting and useful piece of travel information I come across which will entertain and inform me and you. It doubles as a record of my travels, a plan for a return trip, and a blog to keep me in the public eye as a journalist.

I want to increase my readers. How will you find me. How do I increase my f i n d a b i l i t y? I just made up that word. The spell checker keeps changing it back, with a time delay so that I correct it but the change recurs later. The technical jargon for what I have called f i n d a b i l i t y is search engine optimisation, abbreviated to SEO. My son has an SEO business and won an award. On his advice, I have made changes and focus and I am going to reveal how that affects me and you.

Popular People and Brand Names
I have to disregard all my training. As an independent journalist, I would act like the BBC, and be independent, not influenced by any commercial consideration. Now, to be more popular, instead of cutting out brand names and introduction generic terms, I should introduce references to famous people, alive and dead, and current events.

Wearing Advertising, Slogans and PR, Popularity and Fashion
I can see that over the decades things have changed. Nowadays, if you give a shameless plug, like Graham Norton on TV, or Jonathan Ross, you just grin and say, "I shall give a shameless plug!"

 In the 1960s, the only people showing slogans in public were weirdos marching up and down high streets (in the USA you say main streets) trying to persuade busy shoppers that 'the end is nigh'. Now everybody competes to have amusing slogans across their chest and back. Tee-shirts are worn by everybody, pretty PR girls, not just window cleaners.

Who Is Reading What Where?
My website's editing page gives me lists of statistics on the countries where I have readers for the day, the week and the year, and now, it's easy for me to see what's going on.

What's New To You?
All this is not new to me. The trouble with relaying knowledge is that as soon as you know something, it seems obvious and not newsworthy. I have to think as a reader, like a teacher of English to pupils who are either beginners, intermediate or advanced. The same goes for travel writing.

Many or Few Readers, Rich Or Poor?
My instinct is to look for more readers. I remember going to PR events when I would be greeted warmly by a PR lady. After five minutes, she looks over my shoulder and sees somebody of more urgent interest. He's from a national newspaper with more than a million readers. She has to rush over and greet him. Yes, of course I can't hog her attention all evening. But he has a million readers. I remember thinking that the last time a million readers read my name was when Kay Boyle recommended my book on Etiquette For Every Occasion in her column at the back of the TV Times. It was my success story for the week. I thought, 'if only I could have a million readers every day!'

Providing New Information
Sometimes I re-read my post and think, but everybody knows this. Do I need to say that Bucharest is the capital of Romania? Everybody living there knows that.

But when I re-read my article and realise that I have left it out, I remember that before I went to Romania I did not know the capital. So I have to introduce the fact subtly. For example I could write something like, 'More flight' or 'fewer' flights' go to the capital, but/and Bucharest also has many ... If you do arrive in Bucharest on the evening flight, head over to the restaurant district ...

Every sentence involves another five minutes of research. How many flights a day? Is there a night flight? Is there an accent on the name of the city or restaurant?

Accuracy
I also have to consider carefully what I say about prices so as not to mislead or raise hopes. I need to make it clear to the reader what they are getting for their money. As a reminder to myself, and for the reader for help and credibility, and for legal reasons, I should show if a price does not include sales tax, VAT, service charges and other extras.

Today I have a brochure from John Lewis Finance Team. It says 'Gifts For Them Mean Vouchers For you.' Then, "Apply for a Partnership Card and receive £20".

I remember debating that with the statistician in the family. What does 18.9% APR representative variable mean?  Would the amount I paid on interest offset the £20 gain? Who is going to pay the bill in the family and would they pay off the card in time to avoid charges?

Do I need to analyse it? Or can I just say, check out this offer and see if it suits you?

Newsletters And Personal Details
The title of my new blog Luxury for Less, tells the reader what to expect and also helps me focus. I want to avoid too much personal information.

However, I could add a newsletter. What do you do if there's no worldwide news? A newsletter can be chattier and more personal. A newsletter enables me to be more like Facebook. I could tell the world if had to shorten my posts because I fell ill, or went to an exhibition.

I usually get bored if I read a newsletter all about the writer's dog when I was looking for information on buying bargains (not bargains for dogs). Yet I can see that a whole load of people (Americans say bunch of people) have replied. So, I plan to start a newsletter.

Time Differences Around The World
Time is another factor. On Facebook I was aware that if I start work at 9 am in London but don't open Facebook until lunch time, the birthday greetings I send to friends in Singapore will not arrive until the day is over. So I adapted my birthday message to good wishes for the whole year.

Americans are west of England; when I am in America, the UK is east. It's like 'the far east' from the UK'. If I am writing in the UK, if I write a blog post at midnight in the UK it will reach early risers in the USA. If I want to be really precise, I must remember that the USA has a time difference between west coast, mountain time, east coast time.

Time-based Greetings
The fashion is to start emails to people in the same country with Good Morning. This solves your problem if they have long names you have forgotten, or too long to write, or type, or if you are not sure whether to address them by first name or more formally. However, that won't work on a website being read around the world.

If you watch international broadcasts of worldwide events such as the Eurovision Song Contest or the Olympics, you will see that the well briefed commentators will begin by greeting watchers according to the time of day. They say, "Good morning to everybody in  ... (such and such a country) and good afternoon if you are watching from ...'.

Pleasing Readers In Different Countries
A reference to Americanisms will increase my American readership. A reference to buying a Russian language learning system, or the delights of the Moscow's underground stations increases readers in Russia. Stories about Ukraine or Romania also increase readership in Russia or adjacent countries. Stories about Rome, the leaning tower of Pisa, Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci and learning Italian and balloon flights in Tuscany and truffles in Umbrian restaurants will increase readers in Italy.

Website Names
Blogger dot com's basic blog does not look as professional as a dedicated website. I buy a website name.  I go through my blogs and select subjects.

Going Live! When?
We put up our website but transfer it. The new site doesn't work. We can edit but the public cannot read it. We confer at midnight but have to wait until the working day starts to contact the websites support team.

Oops!
I get a lot of offers from major clothing catalogue companies as well as business start ups. I ignore an offer or miss an offer, then a day later in comes another offer. They say, 'Oops - a lot of people did not get our offer yesterday, so we are extending it by another 24 hours. Don't worry if you missed it, to compensate you and for those who wrote in saying you could not reply in time because you were on holiday we are extending it all week'.

I used to think, what is this. Is it a marketing ploy.

No, says my son. These blips happen all the time, in the top companies and experienced teams as well as newcomers to the business world. Every new venture on the internet is likely to encounter delays and broken links, mis-typing, hundreds of things which can go wrong. Most of them are double checked and fixed but with dozens of businesses contacting you, some of them are bound to have teething problems. That's life.

So, now you know.

Buying The Name Luxury Travel For Less
Why luxury travel for less? It is alliterative. The dot com was already gone, sold to somebody else. So I grabbed the UK version.

The Reduced Cost of A Website
A week later the website price was reduced. Why? I don't know. The prices of many things nowadays go up and down. If we had watched and waited - and risked losing out to some other buyer, we could have bought the domain name (website name) for less. We consoled ourselves with the thought that the extra we paid meant we had had another week to get started earlier.

Why Luxury?
I love five star hotels and gourmet meals and meeting, greeting, glimpsing famous people.If I can't go there, I like to read about them. To find out what I am missing. To live vicariously. To take a look. Do you? Most people do. The word luxury covers that.

Do I want fewer big-spending readers or many more bargain hunters? If you don't think you can achieve the huge readership, then go for the small, select readership. If you as a writer, a reader, or advertiser, want to network or sell to the people who are selling or buying in the upper end of the market, you are more interested in reaching 2,000 high spenders than two million low spenders.

Why Less?
But I also like the countryside, being anonymous, being with ordinary people. I like to splurge for a celebration, a birthday, a wedding anniversary.

But I love a bargain, which enables me to get more for my money, or not feel so guilty about what I have spent. The word less covers that. Less money.

Brides Magazine
When I first started writing for Brides magazine, UK, the then editor, a level, efficient lady called Sandra Boler, told to end with suggestions for three hotels, one in each price bracket, 5 star, 3 star and 1 star. That way every bride, every reader, should find something of interest. I have that in mind when writing for you.

Hotels, restaurants and consumers know that people spend more at Christmas and economise in January. That's when the hotels and restaurants are offering bargain. To tempt the richer and the poorer, appeal to everybody.

Now you know. Watch out for my new website and blog, Luxury Travel For Less (co.uk), written with your interests in mind, coming soon.

Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.

Chinese Etiquette For Chopsticks, Rice and New Year and Lo Hei

Problem
How do you spread maximum goodwill during lo hei and Chinese New Year?
How do you avoid offending people?

Answers
1 LO HEI
Organise or attend a reunion of family or friends or a club at which Lo Hei is served at the start, middle break or end of the meeting. Lo Hei is Chinese New Year dish of colourful mixed vegetables, often mixed up in front of the diners, adding each colour and symbolic food in order. You can buy Lo Hei sets in supermarkets. You can look on line to find the best prices.

Gold and Prosperity
The little oblong puffs symbolise gold or prosperity.

Fish
The fish might be prawns, king prawns, smoked salmon strips, dried salmon skin.

Story
At a Toastmasters meeting I attended at Toa Payoh Community Centre, the organiser had the list of ingredients and what they symbolise on her mobile phone (in Chinese characters). So she was able to read off instructions to others who were opening the food packets and tubs provided.

Jewish, Seder and Order
If you have ever been to a Jewish seder night or watched one on the internet or read about it, you will notice that the Seder service also takes different symbolic foods in order, symbolising sweet and sour events in history, drawing your attention to the different tastes (and colours). The word seder means order.

Fish Or Vegetarian?
Ideally last you add fish on top, in small strips, and mix it in so all diners get some. Before adding fish check if your diners include, vegetarians and those allergic to fish or shellfish. If so, you can either add the fish separately, or give them a portion before adding fish.

Left Or Right Hand
In Asia you use your right hand for eating and handling food, your left for dirty jobs, washing the floor or handling genitals when going to the toilet. Do not hand food to people with your left hand.

Chopstick Tips
When separating pairs of chopsticks and handing them around for a lo hei, make sure you open the packet at the end with the thickest part of the chopsticks, or allow each person to open their own, or to separate the sticks, or hand them from the thick end, so you are not handling the pointed end which goes in their mouths. (In fact, you are not supposed to put the pointed end in your mouth, because it goes back into the communal bowl to pick up the next piece, but I still don't like to see somebody's fingers on the ends of ht chopsticks which some Westerners will put in their mouth, and which everybody will put in the communal fish.

Chopsticks and Rice
Easy To Eat
If you don't like rice, or can't handle picking up grains of rice with chopsticks, then Lo Hei is a great dish. All the food is shredded and mixed together so you don't have to cut or mix or pick out anything.

Chopstick - flat or upright?
If you are given rice earlier or later, do not end by putting your chopsticks upright in leftover rice like incense sticks. This is only done for offering food to your dead ancestors. So to leave chopsticks upright in rice is offensive, upsetting and confusing for others. Don't do it even if you are not with Chinese friends, or if you are at home, because it sets a bad example to other Westerners and children who are then likely to do it in public restaurants where they will get wary looks from waiters, and be admonished by Chinese friends.

Chopsticks Resting Flat
When you have finished eating, lay your chopsticks flat. In restaurants you are given a chopstick rest on which to place your used chopsticks.

Tossing High
When tossing the Lo Hei before you all start to eat, the story goes that the higher you toss, the greater the prosperity. The Chinese seems to regard this as great fun.

Tossing Carefully To Protect Carpets /Floors
However, in some places the owners of the building might not appreciate having food on the floor. (A nuisance for staff to clean up. If your room is a dance hall, or yoga hall, the barefoot dancers won't want your food or grease on the floor. Food on the floor also attracts insects.

Several possible solutions:
Provide an edge to the bowl - such as paper table cover.
Place a larger flat platter underneath the central bowl.
Ask everybody to toast carefully and explain why.
Tell everybody you will need everybody to help clean the floor afterwards - and hope this discourages them from making a mess they have to clean.
Bring kitchen towel to clean up the floor.

Giving And Receiving Advice
Don't worry about doing things wrong and being informed or corrected. Speak and think positively. For example, "Thank you so much for telling me!" "I'm so glad you told me / helped me / warned me (mother-in-law / teacher / guide / my friend). You have saved me so much possible confusion / embarrassment!" "I do love learning about foreign / other /Chinese culture."

Author, Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker. See my other posts here on this blog and other blogs on blogger.com You will also be able to read more about me on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and elsewhere on the internet. Take a look at my books on etiquette, travel, languages and other subjects on Amaxone and Lulu.com
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French words: say ballet but don't forget etiquette

Say ballet but don't forget etiquette. Words used in English, derived from the French, which still used the French pronunciation, often puzzle those who have not learned French, but seem obvious to anybody who has learned French.

ET
Ballet and other words ending with et are pronounced 'ay'.

ballet
bouquet
cachet
tourniquet

ETTE
Words ending with e t t e are pronounced like bet, forget, met and yet

banquette - bench seat with padding and a back usually against a wall
briquette - small brick, food or loaf with brick shape
etiquette - polite behaviour conforming, originally a ticket to an event at court specifying the rules such as the dress code, for example, black tie

tête-á-tête - literally head to head, cosy chat .(I just inserted the circumflexes and the accent on 'a' but the spellchecker removed them. I've added the hyphens and hope that makes the difference.)

Angela Lansbury, travel writer, teacher and tutor of English and French.