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Wednesday, October 25, 2023

If I were you, fellow traveller, comic poem by Angela Lansbury

If I were you

I would speak Chinese

And not waste time

Saying thank you and please.


If I were the king

I'd make everyone speak the King's English

I'd ban Korean, and Greek

Bad Grammar, Creole, Russian, Vietnamese and Singlish. 


On second thoughts

We would learn Esperanto in school

An international language

Would be such a handy tool.


If I were you all the buses

And Sundays newspapers would be free

But f I were you

I would not be me


If I were a bee

I would make flavoured honey

Give beehives to every gardener and farmer

We'd all make lots more money


If I were a bird

I'd sing in tune, and parrot every word

Teacher's lessons repeated, re-heard

If I were not a bird-brained bird


If I were a horse

I would run fast of course

And neigh 'til I was hoarse

If I were an internet, animated, 3D horse


If I were a cat

I'd sleep on the mat

Catch mice as cat food, save money on that

If I were a cat


If I were a cloud

I could not laugh out loud

I'm sure it's not allowed

If you are a digital cloud


If I were a tree

How odd that would be

Much more animated than me

If I were overprinted on a 3D tree


If I were a fish

I'd swim in the pond or sea

Then be preserved in a car key ring

How lucky I am that I'm me.

Two colour suitcase in red and blue block colours. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


If I made travel goods

And make them all block colours

To go with matching clothes

Yes, I really would


If we had to start again

Maybe we'd all be men

All cocks and no hens

Pack unisex clothes, if we had to start again


Lastly, if I were you

That would never do

You know that it is true

For I'm me, and you are you


If you were in this room

And not just on Zoom

You could stand on the balcony

And watch tropical flowers bloom


Travel websites, now we've thought about it

Always tell the truth, I know you'll never doubt it

The museums closes Mondays, but on the web we travel far

Today I travel online, and love things the way they are.

-ends-

As the old Irish jokes goes, when asked the way, a bystander replied, 'If I were you, I wouldn't start from here.'


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