How to censor online speeches, such as Patton's WWII speeches

My mentee wrote to everyone in an online toastmasters group asking whether there were any taboos regarding language used in speeches. he wanted to quote from the famous, some would say infamous, speeches by Patton in WWII.

The memorable and important gist of the opening of one of his series of speeches is that you do not win a war by dying for your country, but by making sure the soldiers on the other side die for their country.

I read the speech in Wikipedia. Apparently Patton was famous for his down to earth language. However, many of the speeches were reconstructed by combining the accounts of various soldiers who wrote them down afterwards.

Even if Patton used particular swearwords of indelicate terms or ideas, what is apporpriate for a lot of soldiers may not be suitable if it can be heard by a woman with a child on her lap.

Imagine that you are giving the speech to a primary school. Or that your speech is being broadcast in 50 living rooms - which is likely on Zoom with everybody on lockdown.

You can see spouses and children wandering in and out.

As a speechwriter, you should be able to eliminate a word or phrase or find a substitute.

When I was a sub-editor on Woman magazine, I would have had to reword the speech, or abbreviate it, of cut out specific words.

I later wrote articles on WW2 for a Marshall Cavendish partwork encyclopaedia. A partwork is an encyclopedia published in parts, weekly magzines which can be collected and collated in a binder to form an enclopaedia.

The one I worked on longest was translated from an English encyclopadia in English into German and simplified from an adult magazine into one for a reading age of teens from 10 to 16, and had to be understood by those of the youngest age.



Since the articles were from pieces written for an English audience, but now to be read by a German audience, you can imagine that the wording as well as the viewpoint had to be entirely different. Changing the wording was a challenge.

Allies, enemies, and so on - are seen differently and named differently. It was a challenge. But I had to do it. I did it. So I know it can be done.

Useful Websites

Facebook polyglots
https://www.facebook.com/groups/polygotcommunity/
translate google


About the Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.
I and my family have lived in the UK, Spain, the USA and Singapore. I am a trave writer and phtographer and teacher of English A level and English as a foreign language.

Please come to a Toastmasters International Club where the English clubs have a langauge evaluator or grammarian.  We also have French, German, Mandarin Chinese, Tamil and clubs based in Singapore and many more online around the world which because of Covid-19 are now meeting online.

I am President of Braddell Heights Advanced, meeting every Wednesday, on zoom the first Wednesday of the month but the other wednesdays are workshops on app learncool.sg
Or quicker, tinyurl.com/BHACOOL
In Singapore we are on the same time zone as Malaysia, Hong Kong, and China (Beijing and Shanghai).
Please share links to your favourite posts.

How to Introduce and Use A New word of the week, the day

You may have seen regular columns about new words and their meanings in Readers Digest. You can also subscribe to services which send you a new word every day.

Notebook Trick Leaned In School
At school in Latin class the teacher taught us to take a small A6 notebook which was light enough to carry in our pockets and write down new words we learned and take out the pocket book to read when waiting for the bus to school so that we learned the new words effortlessly.

Learning Vocabulary
I did the same for French and English.You can do the same with Spanish or any other language you are learning. Or teaching.



Toastmasters International
At toastmasters International the Grammarian is often called Language Evaluator. You might think that Language evaluator sounds more friendly than the scary word Grammar. However, I feel that Grammarian, or Grammar Police makes the job clearer than Language evaluator.

Some clubs give a certificate or gift to the appointment holders such as evaluators. Other will present a small ceriticate of thanks. Some will give you a round of applause. Others send a thank you by email or whatsap.



The Challenge Of Finding New Words
The first task of the Grammarian. (I use that word because it is shorter and quicker to type) is to give the word of the day. All speakers try to remember and use the word. They may either use it conventionally or inventively.

However, if you use an everyday word they have learned nothing new. But if you use a long complicated word they have trouble using it in a sentence, pronouncing it correctly, and remembering to use it.

Oxymoron
I used to use the word oxymoron regularly. I though as Grammarian it was useful to introduce a term or rhetoric. I allowed the use of the word oxymoron, a contradiction. The word itself was very rarely taken up.

But many people thought it fun to select an oxymoron from a list I wrote on the whiteboard in advance. It gave them something to look at if they arrived early or had to wait for a late start. it saved me wasting time and turning my back on the audience. Alternatively I would ask a volunteer to write on the white board. The short list was seriously funny, military intelligence, pretty ugly, plastic flowers.

Clubs In Singapore
I have used this word at clubs in the UK and also visited more than 75 clubs in Singapore, several times at my own two clubs. I am a member of Tampines Changkat Advanced and the President for 2019-2020 oof Braddell Heights Advanced.

Listing Word Used
I wish I had kept a note of clubs visited and which word I used. I shall start a new notebook now and do that. I can list the words at the top of the page from the front of the book. At the bottom of the page I can list the clubs visited using this word.

In addition, at the back of the notebook I can list the clubs. With 75 clubs, a page per club would take too much space. In a small notebook I could just write three columns on the back page. Club name, date, word used.

Ensuring The Word Is Used
At one time this year I was promoting an event, a workshop for Toastmasters, and was obliged to go around the room speaking to as many people as I could before the start of the meeting during the 15 minute networking session. I found myself frequently introducing myself and the word of the day. On one occasion somebody asked me to write it down and show them the spelling. They copied it onto their speech which was in their hand. The person beside them, not to be outdone, copied the word onto their programme sheet.

Later in the same meeting I told everybody to write down the word. I went around the room asking each person to say the word in a sentence. This worked well, got audience involvement. I have since made this my policy, to either get them to write down the word, or to say it in a sentence. If the room is small and you have fewer than 20 people you can pick people in the audience, go clockwise around the table, or left to right along the rows.

I have got in the habit of asking them to write it down on the programme or add it to the opening of their speech. They can pop it into a prepared speech. Or use it in an impromptu speech (called table topic because it is sometimes a mystery subject drawn from the table or a bag. They can also use the word to describe the speaker who has just spoken and their subject matter (she gave gave us thoughts for the future action - we must think about what she said in future). Or use it in the introduction to another speaker,

At Funchun toastmasters club in Singapore, my word of the day was changed on the day to reflect the programme theme.

Futures fast forward future.I did not find anything interesting in the word fast or forward but took the word future. I was able to give the audience news, that the plural word futures in finance is a noun and describes buying substances and crops not yet harvested such as cocoa and oil. This involves risk, fixing a price before the quantity and quality is known, guaranteeing the price for the seller, insurance for them, buying a crop whose price is agreed now for a crop which will be available in the future. This was a new concept I taught them, a word which nobody used, but they will recognize and understand. Instead several managed to introduce into their speeches the conventional everyday sense of the word future😃, talking about the present plans for the future and the future development of individuals, clubs and society.



Flag of Singaore.

Many clubs in Singapore, knowing their members are often native Mandarin Chinese speakers with English or Singlish as a second language, have a large paperback dictionary. However, they may not get it out, because they forget or have other urgent tasks. Or they think as a native speaker I don't need it.. I find it handy to consult the dictionary.

If I don't have a word of the day, I can flip through the dictionary. If I want to find synonyms (similar words to the core word) I can read down the list. If I am nervous or flummoxed or tired I could read out aloud from the dictionary. It tells me whether the word can be both a noun, with several meaning, or a verb, and an adjective.
I could ask somebody else to read the definition. That gives me a break, creates a variety of speakers for the audience to watch, involves another so at least one person is listening and learning.

They notice, or I point out, that the club has a dictionary which any speaker or member or guest is free to consult..

If you are asked to be a Grammarian or Language Evaluator when visiting a club, you can ask for the dictionary and look up a word. So, no need to be afraid to be the Grammarian.

Volunteer
If you are visiting a club and want to make yourself useful, noticed, helpful, reciprocate for receiving a welcome and free food, volunteer to give a word of the day.

For speed, you might wish to print out the word of the day, or carry an A4 sheet of paper with the word of the day written large and neatly in black felt tip pen. I learned from a teacher in London, Lorna, that as a teacher its is easier and quicker to carry your own black felt tip pen and a washable board marker all day every day.

If you have two copies of the word of the day, one copy can hang on the wall behind the lectern, or in front of the lectern, attached by Blutac (which you carry with you or attach to all four corners of the back of the sheet of paper before leaving home.

The second copy of the word goes on the back wall so it can be seen as a reminder to every speaker standing behind the lectern.

Carry A Marker
You don't want to delay or hunt for a pen, to look inefficient, allow the class to mutter whilst you look for the pen, nor risk writing on a board with an indelible marker and then have to hunt for alcohol to remove it.

You could write down a new word of the day in your notebook every day. Then if you visit a club in the evening, you have a new word ready prepared.

Invite Angela
If you see me or want to invite me, you can be assured that I can find a word of the day and make it simple or challenging for the audience.
I often add my taboo non-word of the day which is actually. I remind everybody:

"That was ..."
One of the speakers, Hyder, who is often a language evaluator, gave a speech after my word of the day oxymoron. In case we had missed it, he used a phrase and added - 'that was an oxymoron'. If they are inventive or want to gain credit that's is useful. You can ask the speakers simply to use the word, or to point it out in addition. However, they may not want to lose time by adding that explanation each time, especially if in a timed section or a meeting running late.An alternative is to ask the speaker or the audience to tap on a desk once or tut and/or nod in acknowledgement.

Taboo Word Actually
The word actually can actually be used correctly to contrast what you expected and what actually happened. But do not drop the word actually into every sentence, or several sentences, because it takes up time and can an actually be annoying, and some people actually use it as many as three times in one sentence, and you actually lose track of what they are saying as you actually count the number of times they say actually.
You can also do the same using your phone and consulting dictionary.com and a thesaurus online.

I hope you can now speak up, be a grammarian, and find and record new words every day. Even if you don't want to do so, you know how it is done.


Useful Websites
Toastmasters find a club
Facebook polyglots

• Bilingual dictionary
• Collegiate dictionary (American)
• Learner's dictionary (mostly British)
• Electronic dictionary
• Encyclopedic dictionary
• Monolingual learner's dictionary
  • Advanced learner's dictionary
• By sound
  • Rhyming dictionary
• Reverse dictionary (Conceptual dictionary)
• Visual dictionary
• Satirical dictionary
• Phonetic dictionary

Pronunciation

About the author
Angela Lansbury is the author of twenty books including the classic Wedding Speeches and Toasts, the best seller Etiquette For Every Occasion, and the self-published Quick Quotations.
She has been a long-term member of Harrovian Speakers and HOD Speakers in London (since 2005) and more recently a member of Braddell Heights Advanced in Singapore (President July 2019-2020 June).
Please bookmark and share links to your favourite posts.

Singapore National Day Celebrations To See: Oct 6, 9, 10

Flag of Singapore

Singapore National Day is August 9th, and it celebrates independence in 1965 from Malaysia, now the neighbour with whom Singapore makes constant efforts to stay on good terms.

The national languages of Singapore are English, Chinese (Mandarin), Malay and Tamil.

Events to watch in person or on TV:

1 The parade.

2 The speech.

3 The fireworks.

Things to do:
Volunteer to help.
Attend events at your Community Club.
Watch TV.
See the parade.


Birthday Banner at Community Club in Singapore. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Photograph flags in streets and banners adorning Community Clubs.
Select red and white outfits to wear, such as white shirts and blouses, red ties and jackets, red shoes, red brooches..
Find red and white food or drink such as:
White bread and tomatoesL yogurt and strawberries, milk, white lassi, red and white plates.

Writing from Singapore in the week of Friday 28 July 2019 I can tell you that the Singapore flag has been displayed along the streets and on the buildings for days.

Singapore flags reflected in the pool. Cashew Heights. Singapore. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.




Flags on a balcony at Cashew Heights condo complex.

Happy Birthday Singapore vertical banner. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Features on the vertical banner to notice and point out to tourists: red and white of the flag with a crescent and stars, the Merlion symbol, the fireworks

I am president of Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters Club and we will be wearing red and white, the colours of the national flag, at our meeting held two days earlier, July 7 2019. Other Toastmasters Clubs will do the same.

You can buy Singapore flags to drape over the back of the car's exterior wing mirror. Novelty, souvenir and stationery shops also sell attractive round badges with the flag symbol.

A preview of the fireworks takes place on August 6th. You can see a video preview online. At the weekend, on Saturday 10th of August, 2019, another five fireworks displays will be in the heartlands, the suburbs.

Good vantage points are high residences or offices or rooftop bars (which might sell tickets or increase prices like on New Year's Eve). If you can hear te fireworks but not see them at a buidling such as a hotel, try walking around to a public area such as a stairwell or lift lobby on the other side of the building.

Check last train times. Wear read and white and keep your camera charged and with you ready to capture the magic moments.

Make A Cake
American
Earlier in July I wondered how to make a cake for July 4th and the whole month at my Toastmasters Club meetings showing the American flag. I now know you can use raspberries or strawberries and white icing, and red food colouring. (For an American or UK flag for the blue add blueberries.)

Singapore
Cheapest, smallest, simplest. Buy a cupcake. Cover half with white frosting. Put red jam or dyed red over the other half. (Or red foil taken off a wrapped chocolate.) Cut white frosting into a crescent and five small five point stars. And / or add the letters Sg. And place the cake on a large plate on a print out of the singapore flag.

Red Food Colouring
When I looked at rainbow cakes most cooks said that natural dyes such as beetroot and strawberry gave very pale colours and you would get better results from food colouring.

Flags and badges
Flags and pages are sold at novelty stores, cheap Singapore dollar or two dollar stores, stationery stores.

You can buy a hat with the letters SG for 5 Singapore dollare from the shop in the YWCA.

Useful Websites
FIREWORKS
https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/ndp-2019-fireworks-to-be-set-off-from-singapore-river-for-the-first-time

DIY & BOUGHT FLAG CAKES
Simple flag cakes in red and white
https://www.straitstimes.com/lifestyle/food/a-slice-of-patriotism
https://bakeavenue.com/products/singapore-flag-cake
Elaborate cakes showing flags, personalities, landmarks, Merlions and more
https://mothership.sg/2015/08/this-is-the-amazeball-result-when-19-super-creative-patissiers-bake-birthday-cakes-for-singapore/

About the Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker, teacher of English and other languages.

How To Write A Travel Diary, Poem, Speech, Novel or Family History On Holiday

You are on the move. No time to write.

Are you sitting on the beach, waiting for a bus, babysitting, waiting for somebody to return from a meeting? Waiting for the tour operator to start the tour?

Yes, you do have time to write. Songwriters write songs on the move all the time. Just three verses. Preferably with a twist ending. Think of the song YMCA, written as the songwriter passed the sign in the street.

Carry a notebook and pencil in your pocket. An alternative is a five year diary which lets you have longer and shorter entries.

1 Plan time for a poem or short story or short scene in a novel chapter every day. Write the title whilst cleaning your teeth.

2 Write the first paragraph whilst waiting for the kettle to boil or the microwave to ping.

Write a chapter on the train or the plane.

Chapter one scene one queue for check-in. While your eyes are on your notebook, make sure your passport is in front of you, eg round your neck in front, and make sure your luggage is where you can watch it - in front of you or under your right foot as a footrest.

Entertain your invalid by asking them to tell you an incident from their life story day one of your trip or starting writing.

Write it whilst in the bath or toilet.

Think about a title whilst washing up or loading the dishwasher.

Plan a speech or short story or poem or song whilst swimming.

Read your story or their memory back to children, granny, next day.

You benefit by ending up recording their life story for yourself, descendants or to give them as a birthday present.

I wrote up my mother-in-law's life over dinner once a week and printed it for her as a birthday present.

A shortened version provides a couple of interesting anecdotes, even jokes to lighten the mood, for funeral speech.

Useful Websites

https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/9781320840941?gC=f177369a3b&gclid=CjwKCAjwp_zkBRBBEiwAndwD9StYI_TMaWrCIX_QTTdJ0udBifE1sYILmXOuhrqPXZU8ihrN1O5RVRoCyYMQAvD_BwE

https://www.traveldiariesapp.com/en/Tour

https://www.amazon.com/Grandparent-Book-Keepsake-Journal/dp/0307453103

https://www.bookdepository.com/My-Travel-Journal-/
Travel-Journal

Author
Angela Lansbury. Please share links to your favourite posts.

What is your speech title and what is your message?

Problem
I listen to other people's speeches and plan my own and find the following problems:
1 I am asked to evaluate and introduce a speech which doesn't have a title.

Marketing:
How can you write a poster advertising a speech which doesn't have a title?

Focus:
How can the speaker keep to the point if he or she doesn't know their point?

Introduction:
How can you introduce yourself or anybody else if you can't sum up in one sentence. (The Elevator speech.)

If your speech changes direction half way through, you have two speeches, two different speeches.

If you, as a speaker, are confused, the listener will be confused.

The listener likes to prepare emotionally. If I giggle all the way through and you end by telling some tragedy, unexpectedly, I feel either deceived or shaken. If I go to watch a movie billed comedy which ends as a tragedy and it ruins my birthday or my first romantic date, I could be at the box office demanding my money back on the grounds of trades descriptions act, just as I would if I went to see a musical with no music.

Novels often have twist endings. tragedies are often written with ups and downs and humorous moments, to relieve the burden. However, the publisher's blurb gives you a clue what to expect, or to prepare for the unexpected. Fashions change, eras change, countries are different.

When I listen to a speech in which a speaker tells of their tragic childhood, I wonder which of the following applies:

Catharsis After Tragedy
The speaker wishes to come to terms with the fear and tragedy of the past, to talk it through, face it, in order to move on. In a way we in the audience are must be bystanders, like counsellors, sitting quietly saying nothing, whilst they work out their problems for themselves. The talking cure.

As a visitor, I have sometimes wondered, why do I go for a jolly evening out and have to listen to this story of misery. In at least one the speaker has burst into tears at the end. I wonder are they any happier. Or have they just raked up and relived the horrors of their past.

The chair person or toastmaster of the evening has the burden of saying something suitable, before moving on, allowing the next speaker to follow with a neutral topic or even attempt a comedy.

Toastmaster's Comment
What can the link person say? Something to sympathise with the speaker and make them feel better.
1 Thank you for sharing your story.
2 That was very brave. (I am not keen on the word brave. It slightly suggests they have faced a hostile audience - and taken an unnecessary risk.)
3 We are impressed that you have overcome your past. (And started your Toastmasters Journey, or reached out to help others in the same situation.)
4 You had a bad start in life but now you are amongst friends and can move on.
5 Thank you for showing us that even with the worst start you can still build a family and career and start again.

Humorous Re-telling Of Childhood Or Later Drama
I heard a speech and wondered:
Why did the speaker tell this painful story?

Appeal for Sympathy
Was it to gain sympathy?

Desire For Drama
Because the story was dramatic? Because it aroused emotion in the audience, horror or indignation?

To Evoke Pity or Compassion
Because the story aroused our sympathy for the underdog?

Sharing
Because we would relate to similar stories in our own past?

Humour In Others Tragedy
Because what happens to others is funny?
Because you can laugh at your fears when they are exaggerated or happen to somebody else.

Compulsive Obsessional Re-telling
Because the painful story is unforgettable, so the speaker wants to keep telling it, whether or not the audience wants to hear, whether or not the audience is sympathetic, whether or not it shows the speaker in a good light - just can't help it, can't let go.

Attention Seeking
To get attention. to eclipse and outdo other speakers. to eclipse and outdo the audience's own dramas.
One-upmanship in drama.

Manic-Depressive
Today is their drama day. Half an hour later, having got over their speech, they are laughing. However, you are shattered by their story all week, and whenever you see them.

Finally, Is It True?
Did the story actually happen? Did the drama take place exactly as described? When writing a novel, especially one based on your or someone else's life, you are often told to reduce the time span and the number of characters. For example, instead of two different enemies, the stepfather and the boss, you have the stepfather who is later your boss. 

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.

When you travel to a sick bed or funeral, start writing an obituary

Plane window. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Problem
If you are on a plane to a funeral, or to visit somebody who is very sick, instead of crying, you could spend your time busily writing your memories. If they are well and recovering, you might be able to raise their morale with happy memories.

If they can talk but are fading fast, it's your last chance to ask, "Dad - where did you and Mum meet?" Or, "What made you change your name? Why did you choose that name?"

If you arrive for a funeral, you might have a chance to say a few words at the funeral. If the ceremony turns out to be one full of quotations from religious books and payers, you may get a chance to read out your reminiscence at the following reception.

If you are told this is not appropriate, or no time, you might save your information for an obituary.

Obituary
What do you say in a eulogy at a funeral and the written obituary and who can you send it to?

First of all, what is an obituary and what is a eulogy? A eulogy is a speech of praise given at the funeral.

I just went to a funeral of a young man, aged just under 40, who died during a lung transplant. The funeral speeches were given first by the mother, starting with him as a baby and a fun child, then by his father on what a fine young man he became with a successful career, finally by his sister on how kind a person he was.

No Photos
I was told that you are not allowed to take photos at a funeral. This is because people frowning, crying sobbing, are not looking their best. That's without any security concerns about attracting grave robbers or vandals. If you do take family grinning by the graveside, that would not look right either.

Who Wants Your Obituary
Wikipedia, national newspapers and other journals, even religious newspapers, might have rules about how famous you have to be to warrant an obituary.

If you draw a blank with these, your next steps are:
Local newspapers;
School and college magazines for alumni;
Professional magazines of professional organisations which your deceased person was a subscriber.
When you ring up to cancel the membership of the BBC retired staff club or actors' union, optician's group, or market research group, you can ask where you should send an obituary.

Quotations
If you can get a quotation from the head of the organisation, who remembers the deceased, this will make them want to include the piece and make it more interesting to the current membership. (Even if dead Fred hadn't been seen for years.)

Similarly, an article about a former pupil at a school is more interesting if they did something noteworthy and worthwhile. If not, perhaps they led a tragic life (cautionary tale), disappointing teachers after showing such early promise. I just reversed that sentence. The trick to sounding upbeat is to turn each sentence so that you end with words which are positive.)

I did this for my late uncle and my late father. You need to know the length limit. You may be asked for a photo. You need to gather together all the dates and facts - which can be quite difficult if the person you are writing about has lived or travelled all over the world.

With elderly people in their nineties, you may find the majority of their friends are already dead, or too infirm to travel. You may then have to rely on well-wishers from the community.

In addition to sending out news to aquaintance, you might not think of contacting, the obituary remains a vital piece of information for you and your descendants. My uncle died 16 years ago. The facts I wrote about him after he died were newly-discovered, but very fresh in my mind. However, now, when I read his obituary framed on the wall, it's as if somebody else wrote it. I have forgotten so much that every little fact is a surprise and a delight.

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.

What To Expect When Invited To Funerals: A Christian Cremation or Liberal Jewish Funeral In London and more

A family travelled from Australia to London for their friend's funeral. It's snowing. Will we reach the funeral and get back? Are modern funerals like those in the old days?

My late father told me that when he was a teenager in the late 1930s in London, England, he organized the cars to the cemetery for his grandfather's funeral on a snowy day. The car got stuck in the snow and stopped. My father had to get out and push, standing with one foot on the running board, then turn the cranking handle. My father's uncle Gus, nicknamed the Joker, quipped, "Your Grandad doesn't want to go!"

The snow in the suburbs is worse than the warm centre of London. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

Problem
Winter seems to be funeral time. Is it the cold killing everybody off? Or the cold days and short days, and dark depressing everybody?  I was invited to another funeral this week in 2018. Invited is not the right word, not etiquette. You are not invited. That's for weddings and celebrations. You are informed. It was modern. The message came by what's ap.

My lime green car is not the appropriate colour for a funeral. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

We can hardly see to drive. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

Whose car will we travel in?

The mourners travel with the coffin in a cortege. Here are the funeral cars which went to a Christian cremation. Funeral cars look alike - unless you have a horse and carriage.

 Funeral Car In Black. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

What else did I find out I needed to know? Parking.

Parking
Parking - is it easy? The last two or three cemeteries I went to had big parking areas. But this week's was in the centre of London and very difficult parking. A good thing I went with somebody else.

Liberal Jewish Cemetery. Quite different to the Orthodox ones. Despite the theory that 'anything goes nowadays', most mourners wore black or dark colours. My plan to wear black to play it safe turned out to be correct.

Clothing Colours
Nothing worse than being the only person in bright pink at a funeral of over two hundred people all in black, when you are not even related. (That happened to me at a Catholic church in Southern England in 2017. I wasn't wearing bright pink, dusty rose, but it looked luminous like bright pink. I felt as inconspicuous as a flashing Belisha Beacon.)

Seats and No Seats
This month, Feb 2018, the funeral of a young man with cystic fibrosis, died in his late thirties, had over 200 people. His friends included those who had flown in from Australia. Latecomers did not get seats. I was standing inside. The last people to arrive, even worse off, were left outside, could not get in the door. They could not sit. They could not see nor hear the speeches.

There were three speeches by the mother, father and sister. No microphone, so those outside could not hear.

A Christian Cremation Funeral
In January I went to the cremation of a Christian neighbour, who had reputedly died (committed suicide?), after depression. The white coffin and pink flowers helped uplift the spirits. At the cremation, the coffin was left behind as we filed out, and curtains closed around the coffin.

Liberal Jewish Burial Funeral
For a Jewish burial in England, the coffin sits in the prayer hall while the eulogy (speech of praise) is read after the prayer. The Jewish minister was a woman.

The prayer books open back to front, because of the Hebrew, but the English is on the opposite page. You may have to share prayer books.

Reading Hebrew
If you want to learn the Hebrew alphabet you can do so on Duolingo Tinycards. You can also brush up on your Hebrew words and phrases and simple sentences with Duolingo.

Services seem to start, or continue with at least one paragraph about we are all dust, and live briefly as the grass.

Jewish Prayers
You might be interested in learning the Kaddish (prayer said at funerals, actually an affirmation of belief in and trust in God) in Hebrew or English or both. In the Liberal prayer book which was used, some of the paragraphs read were from the Song Of Songs. You can find the sources at the back of the prayer book (following the numbered pages. The back which looks like the front because the book goes backwards).

In the audience we had members of a Toastmasters International club, of all religions and none.

How To Get A Copy Of The Speech
You are not supposed to take photos or videos. I think that's a pity. Often the person reading the eulogy has a handwritten or typed copy of the speech. If you wish to read it, or send it to a relative of yours who could not attend, they might send it to you or give it to you. If there's only one copy and they don't want to part with it, you could take a photo of it with your smart phone to read later.

(At another cremation, of my ninety-year-old distant aunt, I emailed a copy to the speech to the lady who ran the care home. She had gone to the wrong cemetery by mistake.)

I made a mistake not taking an umbrella.

That person with the umbrella did the right thing. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

I was once told that Ashkenazi graves, for 'German' and also European people, have upright headstones, but graves for the Sephardi ('Spanish' -also Moroccan and Middle Eastern). This UK cemetery has both.

Wheeling The Coffin

At the Liberal Jewish funeral, the coffin, covered in dark cloth, was then wheeled out to the graveside, a long walk, with the coffin and the family at the front of the procession.

The oblong hole for the coffin was large and has wooden or other reinforcements to keep the walls upright. The cemetery attendants lower the coffin. Then they wheel off the bier, a bit like an empty hospital trolley, ready to collect the next coffin.

Spooky, seeing the black-coated men trundle off in the distance, without the coffin. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

At really big cemeteries the elderly and infirm can take an electric buggy a bit like a golf cart. Remember to wear closed shoes, not your high heels, in case your grave is at the end of the grassy field, especially if it is or was raining or snowing. In case it is raining or snowing, even if you travelled there by car, you might need an umbrella for the cemetery walk. Plus gloves and a warm hat and scarf.

The Practicalities

The coffin is wheeled to the graveside, where the removed earth is in a pile. At a Jewish cemetery, rabbi, the minister, is likely to say a few words in Hebrew. Then the rabbi may throw in a handful of earth, and the immediate family are the first to pick up a handful, or use a spade to throw in a lot.

No Flowers
At the Christian cremation, we had flowers on display. At a Jewish funeral generally no flowers.

A Romanian Eastern Orthodox Christian cemetery, full of colourful real or plastic flowers. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

No Hand Washing?
Traditionally, at a Jewish cemetery we would wash hands and say a prayer during the hand washing. You might think that it's healthy to wash your hands. But apparently, the prayer and ritual cleansing and re-starting life, symbolically is equally important, or more important, or the only important thing, depending who you ask. But this was Liberal Jewish. No hand-washing.

We debated whether everybody would go back into 'the chapel'. I was sure they would. You always do. Firstly, for a quick final prayer, secondly and/or to tell everybody they are all invited to tea wherever, and prayers later, at that address or another.

Then we drove off to the funeral tea. Nobody was organizing cars. I was now shunted to a different car, with different friends.

Mixed colour bread. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Funeral Tea - The Best
At a Jewish event, usually a kosher caterer. This event had a caterer who provided as far as I could see, no alcohol but several types of soft drinks.

Bagels with smoked salmon. What looked like aubergine wraps. Two people told me they were good. But I liked the smoked salmon half bagels, with either poppyseed or sesame seed.
I asked who did the catering. Somebody said Danieli.

Most unusual were the sandwiches in a mixture of breads including a bread which looked like a marble cake, with dark brown bread contrasting with white.

For 'dessert' skewers of fruit, giant red strawberries, yellow pineapple chunks, green fruit. While eating tea, yuou are likely to meet people from all over the world.

Esperanto on the grave, in Warsaw, Poland, of Zamenhof, who invented the international language. Photo by Adrian Grycuk in Wikipedia article on Zamenhof.

The Cemetery
If you linger in a cemetery, or go looking for your own family's graves, you will find Hebrew useful. If you don't have time to learn it, print out the Hebrew-English so you can read gravestones. It is enormously satisfying to read a word or two in a foreign language.

Many people nowadays are hunting for their ancestors' graves to help with their life history. Latin would be useful looking at Roman tombstones in museums. Esperanto for the grave of Zamenhof, the founder of the easy international language.

Useful Websites
Hebrew Alphabet
tinycards.duolingo.com - Hebrew
Hebrew Language
Duolingo.com - Hebrew

Kaddish
The kaddish is written in Aramaic, the language of the people, as well as some literature, at the time of the Romans and Jesus. Oddly enough, it focuses on god and eternity rather than the soul of the deceased. A bit like singing God Save the Queen at the end of a cinema performance in the old days, a solemn ending calling on the Almighty, trusting that your fragile brief life is part of the eternal good, and hoping that the Almighty will soon bring peace and life to all.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaddish (Multiple technical translations.)
https://www.shiva.com/learning-center/sitting-shiva/kaddish/ (A soothing modern translation.)

Find A Grave
findagrave.com 70 million memories.

Catering For Funeral And Other Events
Daniels Catering
Tel: 020 8455 5826 Mob: 07931 576779
cafdan@aol.com
www.danielsbakery.co.uk

http://www.kosher.org.uk/caterers

http://travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.co.uk/2016/08/whats-difference-between-kosher-and.html

What To Say
To orthodox Jewish mourning family you say: "Wish you long life."
When saying goodbye to other guests and relatives you might say, "May we meet again - on happier occasions!"

More on funerals:
http://travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.co.uk/2018/02/what-was-good-about-middlesex-stadium.html

http://travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.co.uk/2017/10/frank-talk-about-jewish-funeral.html
Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker. See my other posts on funerals and learning languages. Please like, follow, and share links to your favourite posts.