Plane window. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.
Problem
If you are on a plane to a funeral, or to visit somebody who is very sick, instead of crying, you could spend your time busily writing your memories. If they are well and recovering, you might be able to raise their morale with happy memories.
If they can talk but are fading fast, it's your last chance to ask, "Dad - where did you and Mum meet?" Or, "What made you change your name? Why did you choose that name?"
If you arrive for a funeral, you might have a chance to say a few words at the funeral. If the ceremony turns out to be one full of quotations from religious books and payers, you may get a chance to read out your reminiscence at the following reception.
If you are told this is not appropriate, or no time, you might save your information for an obituary.
Obituary
What do you say in a eulogy at a funeral and the written obituary and who can you send it to?
First of all, what is an obituary and what is a eulogy? A eulogy is a speech of praise given at the funeral.
I just went to a funeral of a young man, aged just under 40, who died during a lung transplant. The funeral speeches were given first by the mother, starting with him as a baby and a fun child, then by his father on what a fine young man he became with a successful career, finally by his sister on how kind a person he was.
No Photos
I was told that you are not allowed to take photos at a funeral. This is because people frowning, crying sobbing, are not looking their best. That's without any security concerns about attracting grave robbers or vandals. If you do take family grinning by the graveside, that would not look right either.
Who Wants Your Obituary
Wikipedia, national newspapers and other journals, even religious newspapers, might have rules about how famous you have to be to warrant an obituary.
If you draw a blank with these, your next steps are:
Local newspapers;
School and college magazines for alumni;
Professional magazines of professional organisations which your deceased person was a subscriber.
When you ring up to cancel the membership of the BBC retired staff club or actors' union, optician's group, or market research group, you can ask where you should send an obituary.
Quotations
If you can get a quotation from the head of the organisation, who remembers the deceased, this will make them want to include the piece and make it more interesting to the current membership. (Even if dead Fred hadn't been seen for years.)
Similarly, an article about a former pupil at a school is more interesting if they did something noteworthy and worthwhile. If not, perhaps they led a tragic life (cautionary tale), disappointing teachers after showing such early promise. I just reversed that sentence. The trick to sounding upbeat is to turn each sentence so that you end with words which are positive.)
I did this for my late uncle and my late father. You need to know the length limit. You may be asked for a photo. You need to gather together all the dates and facts - which can be quite difficult if the person you are writing about has lived or travelled all over the world.
With elderly people in their nineties, you may find the majority of their friends are already dead, or too infirm to travel. You may then have to rely on well-wishers from the community.
In addition to sending out news to aquaintance, you might not think of contacting, the obituary remains a vital piece of information for you and your descendants. My uncle died 16 years ago. The facts I wrote about him after he died were newly-discovered, but very fresh in my mind. However, now, when I read his obituary framed on the wall, it's as if somebody else wrote it. I have forgotten so much that every little fact is a surprise and a delight.
Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and speaker.
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