A Lifetime of Holidays, Heavenly & Hellish, Humour

Hellish Moments

Fire

We never had fire, although people my parents met on holiday, who lived in a grand Tudor wood mansion, which my parents hoped to visit, died in a fire which destroyed the house.

 I have experienced three fire alarms. The first was in mid breakfast in Scotland at the large Peebles Hydro hotel. For us guests, waiting for breakfast was a nuisance. For the hotel, even worse, a costly delay, and a logistic nightmare.  They had to clear all the old, cold, food, re-cook the buffet, take orders for everybody simultaneously, serve several hundred breakfasts. 

The next was mid lunch in the USA at a restaurant. 

The third was at bedtime on New Year's Eve in Florida. We thought it was a joking best man at the wedding in the garden below. It happened a second time. In retrospect, we realized it could have been our indoor fireworks (sparklers).

Flood

We had flooding in Hatch End, London, in the high street (Americans say main street).  My friend advised me, 'Take everything off the floor. Papers, shoes, small rugs. Then go upstairs.'

I replied, 'Ihank you. I'll clear the floor.' I reminded her, 'I can't go upstairs. I live in a bungalow.'

At Writers' Summer school in Derbyshire, we had flooding down the outside paths and frogs hopping about so you had to avoid tripping over them or stepping on them.

Snake in the Garden

In Stanmore, in my parents' bungalow back garden, we had a a fat snake. I called the Council. No help. So I called the zoo. The snake was a pregnant female adder. Expected to have about twenty more! 

The RSPCA collected it with a pitchfork and glass container.

Language - lost in translation

As a teenager in Paris,  France, I missed out on seeing a performance of the play which was part of my exam. I made a mistake with muddling up Wednesday and Friday. Mercredi and Vendredi. 

Funny Moments

Russian Comedy at Las Vegas

I met the two Russian and American clowns at Circus Circus. I asked one of them, 'Are you the Russian or the American?'

He replied, in a Russian accent, 'I am the Russ-ian. He is the Amer-i-can.'

I turned politely to the other clown. He repeated the same words in the same accent,  'I am the Russ-ian. He is the Amer-i-can.'

English Language and Singlish

In 2023 at the Singapore (District 80) annual convention in a workshop on marketing your brand we were asked to state our  unique selling point. I said that I was a native, British English speaker, and could teach spelling, pronunciation and grammar.

Another member of the audience said, 'I would like to challenge Angela. If she teaches me spelling, pronunciation and grammar, will I still be understand even if my thoughts are Rojak?'

I replied, 'No, because Rojak is a Singlish.h term and nobody in Britain would understand it.'

(Rojak means a jumble or medley of fruit.)

Happy Moments

I have more stories about  my Lost passport, the Mad Wee Road, Scotland, theft, and Playing Cards. They will be in a later post.

Please share links to your favourite posts.

Hotel Discounts

At a hotel lobby in the USA, I was lingering, looking at postcards when I overheard a potential customer at reception trying to book a room at a discount.

He asked, 'Can I book a room at a discount.'

'Yes, sir. Are you a member of the American Automobile Association?'

'No.'

'Are you a member of the military?'

'No.'

'Are you a member of the emergency services?'

'No.'

Ever keen to be helpful and make a sale, she asks,

'What business are you in?'

'It's a secret business.'

'Then I shall give you the 'secret business' discount.'

Odd Moments

The Rothschild lunch