Why you should be a polyglot: Speak Better English, La - and learn Succinct Singlish

The parts in bold are from a Humorous speech by Angela Lansbury Sat Sept 13th  2018 

  

Speak The Queen’s English, La! Learn Both English and Singlish. 

  

INTRODUCTION  
ADVANTAGES OF SPEAKING LANGUAGES
Research in several countries shows the benefits of learning another language. You don't have to read Wikipedia and Duolingo to realise that speaking English is likely to give you an advantage in the job market. You have more chance of getting a job, rather than seeing the job you covet go to a rival, and more chance of getting a higher salary.  

Advantage Of Postponing Alzheimer's In addition, research has shown that bilingual people develop Alzheimer's five years later. So, to increase your active, alert life, you and all your generation should save the family worry and the government money by being bilingual.

Island and Isolation

English people are famous for speaking only English and louder English. maybe because the Brits were on an island, isolated. But Singaporeans are also on an island. 

When I first came to Singapore I was embarrassed to find that most of the people I spoke to, from taxi drivers to graduates, spoke three or four or five languages, mostly three fluently and get by in several other languages, whereas in England our so-called second language is mostly no better than get by or school child conversation.

Mother and Grandmother's tongue
Many Singaporeans have a grandmother who spoke another language. But the same can be said of many Jewish and other immigrants to the UK and the USA. One of my late relatives spoke 8 languages. He was from Czechoslovakia, now known as the Czech Republic.

Education
Canada's capital, Ottawa, required government employees to be fluent in both French and English. I found hotel receptionists were bilingual, as well as tour guides. Israel sends immigrants to an Ulpan to learn Hebrew. Singapore requires proficiency in the teaching language before starting a school or university. Is Singaporean fluency something to do with encouragement in the education system?

Official Languages
How many languages are officially spoken in Singapore? Four. They are English, Chinese, Malay and Tamil.  You hear them spoken by a robot on the MRT train stations. 

1 SINGLISH - FOR AND AGAINST

But there’s one more language. What is it? Singlish! The secret language. 

Not everyone approves of Singlish. Babas - Westernised Singaporeans, don’t want you to speak Singlish. 

But you can’t live without it. Most Singaporeans speak it. You hear it everywhere. When you ask a shopkeeper for an out of stock item, they reply: 'No more already.' Ask somebody to do something. They might reply in succinct Singlish: 'Cannot.'

How many languages do you speak?  

Most Toastmasters and expats are polyglots, speak many languages. 

If you speak Singlish, which is a mixture of simplified English, Chinese and Malay, you already speak words from four languages.  

In Singapore, you need to understand local languages, Chinese grammar and pronunciation, Malay, and Singlish, to make sensible conversations and understand what is going on. 

I have heard people say, gloatingly: 'They didn't realise I could understand Spanish,' and, "they didn't know I could speak Chinese - so I knew their lowest price!'

When doing business in Spanish or Chinese speaking countries, even if you cannot speak the language, you can tell what the buyers and sellers are saying to each other, which puts you at an advantage.

2 SINGLISH ADS
Whether you like it or not, the fashion is growing for advertising to appeal to local buyers by using Singlish. 

KLEENEX
Now the Kleenex boxes 

and the advertisements for Grab Food are using Singlish, it’s essential to understand it.  

GRAB 
There are even ads on the railway station platforms.

Westerners are at a disadvantage. Look at this Kleenex box. 

Lim Kopi. 

What does that mean? I thought it meant, Mr Lim serves coffee.  

Bojio. No idea. 

I’ll teach you English if you teach me Singlish. 

Singaporeans and expats are polyglots who speak many languages. 

If you wish to learn the Queen’s English, two people can teach. One is the Queen.   

In England 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

3 SINGAPORE'S FOUR LANGUAGES
Singapore has four official languages.  

Number one is: 

English 

Thank you 

Number two is 

Chinese 

Shay shay 

Number three is 

Malay - terimah kasi 

Number four is Tamil 

Nandri 

You can learn all these words on the MRT. If you take the MRT you can say mind the gap in Malay.    

SINGLISH

But there’s a secret fifth language, which combines all the others in one sentence. It’s called Singlish. 
ENGLISH

1 English is important because it helps you to understand Singlish. 

It also helps you get a good job such as a pilot. Pilots need to speak English to communicate with the control tower and land your plane and reassure passengers.  

CHINESE Number two is Chinese 
Chinese is difficult. 

When I first came to Singapore I tried to learn Mandarin. 

There is a tongue-twisting sentence which teaches you the four tones using the word Ma which is ma for mother in broken English. 

If you get them right: 

Ma, Ma Ma Ma 

This either means my mother rides the horse and scolds it; 

Or, if I mispronounce it, the horse rides my mother and scolds her. 

  

1 PILOT PRONUNCIATION 

How many of you speak the Queen’s English? 

English is the international language of communication.  You need to speak good English if you want to be a pilot. Pilots need English to be understood by the control tower. It doesn’t matter what you say to the passengers. 

But I had problems with pronunciation on my first flight.

Our pilot said, “This is your pirate speaking."
For a second, I thought we'd been hijacked. Air piracy.

The pilot continued:
 "We wish you a peasant fright."

I said to my husband: "The most frightening thing is the thought that the pilot cannot communicate with the control tower." 

The pilot finished: "We are frying thirty hours.” 

I said to my husband, “if it’s thirty hours we’re on the wrong flight." 

  

My husband replied, ‘The longest flight is under twenty hours so it can't be thirty. It must be thirteen. You sit and worry about it - for thirteen hours.’ 

MISUNDERSTANDINGS ON MY FIRST FLIGHT 

But I had more pronunciation problems understanding accents.  

PASSENGERS PROBLEM CONVERSATIONS ON PLANES 

On my next flight my husband booked a seat in business class  

- for himself. 

I was in economy. I chatted in English to a man who told me, 'I work for the 'Loyal Bank of Scotland'. 

I said: ‘Wonderful name. Excellent marketing. For many years it has been called the Royal Bank of Scotland.’ 

‘You are light. Collect.’ He said. ‘Loyal bank of Scotland.’ 

The first problem is the accent. I realised there was a difference between East and West on that plane from Heathrow to Changi.

I had misunderstood. 

You have to guess what the other person is trying to tell you, and remember they pronounce words in their language. 

THREE CHILDREN 

After this challenge, I turned to the lady sitting on my other side. 

‘Do you live in Singapore?’ 

‘Yes.'

'Do you have a flat or house?’

 ‘House.’ 

‘Garden and trees?’  

'Many trees.'

‘Children?’  

‘Tree children.’ 

‘They climb trees!’ I exclaimed. ‘Do you have a tree house?' 

‘Tree children,’ she said. (Holding up three fingers.) 

‘Tree houses?' I said. 'They must be tomboys.' 

‘Two Tom boys and one bitch girl. 

' Tree children.' She held up three fingers. 

I didn't like to explain that we only use bitch to describe a dog or bad-tempered, malignant person. 

Later I grew accustomed to people using r for l, so I could follow conversations easily.

2 CHOPE  

You might never need English to become a pilot.  You also need Singlish when shopping. 

For example. 


KLEENEX
See this Kleenex box. 

Lim Kopi Bojio? 

What does that mean? This Kleenex tissue paper is good for wiping up spilled coffee? 

I can help you learn English, if you will help me learn Singlish. 

 THE QUEEN’S ENGLISH 

You are lucky you have me. 

Only two people speak the Queen’s English. Guess who?  

Number one is The Queen.  

Number two is me.  

The queen speaks to the public for ten minutes during the Queen’s Christmas message. To an audience of more than 7 million people. I speak for seven minutes to an audience of  

more than ten.  

In addition, the Queen does not speak Singlish.  

Google translate doesn’t speak Singlish. 

With your help, I could translate the Queen’s Christmas message into speech into Singlish for Chinese New Year.  

The queen’s speech written in Singlish would sound like this. 

If you turn on the radio late at 3.15 on Singapore hoping to hear, queen’s speech is 3 o’clock la, no more already.” 

I think English should always have subtitles in Singlish, and Singlish should have subtitles in English. 

  

Singapore flag.

SINGAPORE & SINGLISH 

When I left London for Singapore I had never heard of Singlish and did not realise it was the secret language of Singapore.  

Why is Singlish not an official language?  

We have four official languages,  

English, spoken by me,  

Chinese spoken in announcements at stations on the MRT,  

Malay spoken across the border, and  

Tamil spoken by staff at Mohammed Mustafa’s department store.  

Everybody else speaks Singlish. 

  

Even the tissue boxes are Singlish. 

Kleenex box. (Show box.) 

Shiok - wonderful 

Lim kopi bojio 

I was not invited for coffee 

Bo is Hokkien for no. Jio is invite. 
Singlish is succinct.  Not invite means I was not invited or you were not invited or one was not invited, according to context. The missing pronoun is similar to the way the Italians drop the I and Latin drops the I and uses  a suffix (ending) instead. 

Don't let the lack of pronouns, the lack of grammar, distress you. Think of it as saving you time and effort.  The simple construction makes your life easier when constructing a sentence in a foreign language.

Kiasu 

Get ahead 

The Queen’s English is not the same as Singlish.  

Many words are the same, but the meanings are different. 

You need to learn the Queen’s English, and I need to learn Singlish and Mandarin.  

When did I decide this? Twenty years after arriving in Singapore. 

For twenty years I did not study Mandarin and as they say, ignorance is bliss. 

My problems with lost in translation continued when we reached Changi airport.  

  

MISUNDERSTANDINGS IN TAXIS 

I cheered up when I was collected from the airport by a Chinese girlfriend. More politeness problems. 

AUNTY AND UNCLE

My friend addressed the toilet attendant as Aunty. She called the taxi driver uncle. Afterwards, I said to her, ’I didn’t know your aunty worked at the airport. I didn’t know your uncle was a taxi driver.’  

‘He’s not.’ 

‘But you called the taxi driver, “uncle”!’ 

She explained, 'Aunty and uncle are how you address older people if you don’t know their name.' 

'Ah,' I said, 'I used to do that in England when I was a toddler. That explains why younger women in Singapore who don't know me keep calling me Aunty.”

TAXI GRAMMAR 

Conversations with taxi drivers created problems with grammar. For twenty years I got in the early morning taxi from Changi Airport.  

The driver said to me: 

‘I am in London yesterday.’ 

I replied, ‘Which flight were you on? Singapore Airlines only just arrived!' 

When I learned Chinese and Malay from books, I discovered some languages have no past tense. Yesterday does not mean yesterday; it can mean forty years ago. 

I learned my mistake - twenty years after I first started talking nonsense to taxi drivers. 

NI HOW GREETING AND EATING 

I came to Singapore because my husband had a job. 

I said to the receptionist, 

'How do you do?' 

But she replied,”  

'How? 

Ni how.' 

(Ni is you and how is good in Mandarin.)

I said, 'My knees are fine, thanks.' 

She asked, 

'Have you eaten?' 

I said, 'Not since breakfast on the plane. Are you offering lunch?'  

Years later I learned that she must have been translating, 'have-you-eaten', which is a standard Chinese greeting, like 'how-are-you' in English, and does not require an explicit, detailed answer.

  

‘Go to a hawker centre,’ she suggested. Hawker center is a food court. 

We went off to a hawker center for lunch and loved it. I especially liked the way the management provided packs of tissues on every table and chair. I picked them up and put them in my pocket. 

Years later I learned that you reserve a table by putting tissues on the table. To reserve in Singlish is to chope.

  

CHINESE ABRUPTNESS, BRITISH POLITENESS 

I went into a shop.  

The Chinese shopkeeper said, 'Yes?' 

I looked at a pair of shoes. She asked, 'Do you want to buy or not?' 

In England, when you say, 'Do you want to buy or not!', it’s very rude.  

It means, 

'Hurry up - make up your mind!' 

I left the shop. 

Twenty years later, I learned it’s a standard question form in Mandarin. 

When I arrived in Singapore I wanted to learn Mandarin but my husband’s boss 

said, 'No need. Everybody speak English. Can can.' 

I whispered to my husband, 'Nobody in England has danced the can-can since 1960, Frank Sinatra film.  

(Demonstrate the can-can or play the music.) 

CONCLUSION 

To sum up, You can learn the Queen’s English. From the Queen’s message at Christmas Or me. 

I can teach you Thank you. Shay-shay. (Chinese.) Terimah kasih. (Malay.) Nandri. Tamil. 

All four languages are used in recordings on the MRT train stations announcements and railway carriages.  

I can also translate Singlish from the ad on the MRT and Kleenex and tissues. 

PUNCHLINE 

Copy me. Learn Singlish. I learned Singlish. I now know how to use tissues to 'Chope' or reserve a seat on a plane! 

English - Singlish

reserve a table with tissues - chope

Singlish - English

chope - reserve or grab a seat or table

kiasu - get ahead / jump ahead (literally fear of missing out)

shiok - delicious (food)

>>> 

Useful website  

Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, author and teacher of English and other languages.

Update, LILT language club in 2024 meets online every Sunday. Find us on Facebook or contact Angela Lansbury or Carolyn street.