1 If you tell others your problems they don't sympathise but offer advice.
2 But when you want practical advice they merely sympathise.
3 The reverse applies when they talk. Sometimes your advice annoys them. They reply, "I know what to do." Or,they retort, "I'm not short of suggestions".
4 How can I be more like mother who just listens, until asked for practical help.
Answers
The answer lies in the problem. The speaker has to make it clear whether they want sympathy or advice. Usually if they want advice, they will ask for it, "What should I do?"
Even then, they often answer their own question: "I know I need to take the motorway, but I prefer the scenic route."
Sympathy is called for.
Story
Once, on my way to the airport in the USA, I started telling my troubles to a taxi driver.
He cut me short: "Lady, I've got troubles of my own!"
Nowadays I'm always bright and cheery to taxi drivers. If it's sunny, I say, "Lovely sunny day!"
If it's raining, I say: "Rain - is it good for you? Does that mean lots of customers?"
Tip
Start cheerful if you want a cheerful conversation. Stay silent if the other person wants to pour out their troubles. You may gain insight.
Story
I once spent the first half of the dinner trying to make conversations with somebody who had no interest in any of my cultural pursuits. I tried writing, art, music, visiting far away places, London. Blank looks. Silences. I asked if he travelled on holiday. He'd never left the UK, only went up mountains in Wales and Scotland, leading his school's scout troupe.
I asked what precautions you needed to take in advance. The moment I'd asked, I thought, that was a mistake, "Oh, dear. I'm being negative."
However, he immediately launched into an account of how he planned his trip, the numbers of adults needed per ten children, what equipment was needed, the weather forecast, and so on." I hardly needed to say more than uh huh and nod for the remaining, last half hour.
I went home thinking, "What a disaster. Nothing in common. He must have hated the meal and me."
I was astonished when he rang to say, "What a delightful meal .. I did enjoy your company, what a wonderful evening, we must do that again."
I made my excuses and left - the country.
The moral was, when I stopped talking about myself and trying to find a mutual interest, and simply listened to his favourite subject, I was 'a good listener' and he was delighted.
That applies in social life, business and your taxi to and from the airport.
Quotation
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.
Author
Angela Lansbury, travel writer, author, speaker.
I have compiled two books of quotations. See Amazon.com and Lulu.com
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